Falling Tides
by MadderHatters
Summary: A semi-self insert gamer fic! Also my first fanfic, so please be gentle! Don't read if you don't like eventually (quickly) OP characters, weird headcanons, and awful jokes! MAY add a pairing in later chapters (here's hoping we get there in a timely manner.). No longer on my (short) hiatus, but no set uploading schedule.
1. Prologue, A sad end

Hi! This is my first story ever (I also haven't really had to write anything like a essay in 6 years too), and I don't have any beta, so please don't destroy me if I mess up! Also can't promise a good posting schedule, I'd probably take a while between posts when uninspired. Constructive criticism is appreciated! Don't read if you aren't into gamer fics, pseudo-self inserts, and having overpowered main characters.

* * *

Somewhere, someplace, a girl died. Unfortunately for her, she didn't stay dead. This is the story of a girl, her death, and her new life.

* * *

She was dead. Over 2 decades of life, gone in a instant.

You might be wondering; how did someone so young die? Disease? A tragic accident? Something awful must had happened, for someone who was barely a adult to pass away, right?

If you thought so, you'd be wrong.

She had died in what had to be the most ridiculous, if tragic and gory, way possible.

She slipped on a banana peel.

That's right, you heard me.

What, you want to know how on earth can slipping on a banana peel kill someone off?

Well, let me tell you how.

* * *

It was February 15th, 2016. The place: Phoenix, Arizona.

It was a bright, sunny day in Phoenix. Hot, like always. A young woman was walking down the street, nervous. Why was she nervous, you ask? Well, it may sound stupid, but this girl had a phobia. What phobia, you ask? Oh, you're going to laugh so hard. Or maybe you will relate to her? She had Casadastraphobia, otherwise known as the fear of falling into the sky. A good number of people with this phobia avoid going outside most of the time. This poor soul was one of them. Anyways, back to the story.

She was walking down the road, taking deep breaths to stave off the panic. So focused on this, she did not notice someone carelessly discarding their banana peel right in the middle of the sidewalk (the litterbug). This girl ended up stepping firmly on it, but due to both the slight slipperiness of the peel and the fact her sneakers didn't have good grip, ended falling to the side. No, not the road side, this is a funny, gory death, not a common, if horrible one. No, she went to the other side.

Right into a man-made gully, normally used to keep rain off the road during the rainy season.

At the bottom on the gully, was a assortment of sticks from the trees on the other side of it, and glass (again, litterbugs.).

This girl ended up going head over teakettle into said assortment of debris, and, in a tragic mess up of fate, ended up taking a large stick directly through the eyeball. Thankfully, she was both lucky and unlucky enough that the stick was both long and hard enough to go right through her brain. She died after a few moments of pain and confusion.

Killed by a banana peel.

And so, she ended up at the crossroads of the afterlife. Thankfully for whomever is reading this, her death ended up amusing a Random Asshole God(dess (What, did you expect some all powerful being to stick to one gender? How boring.)), who decided to grant her a boon. A new life, and a new power to make her comfortable in her new home.


	2. So many choices!

So! First chapter! Sorry if my chapters are short or keep changing lengths, again, I'm neither an experienced or good author (I barely passed English class here, people.). Also sorry if the third person/first person changes seem sudden, I'm trying to figure out a way to mix a narrator with the actual main character views. I'm going to do my best though!

Special thanks to ricsi0309 for reviewing the prologue, and for Akira D. Ryusuke for following! Thank you for your support!

I'll be using a line to separate the ANs and the story, and lines to show boxes, so please try not to get confused! Also, if anyone thinks I'm making her into a Mary Sue or just doing something weird/hard to understand/something you hate, please let me know (and hopefully give me ideas how to fix it!).

* * *

I drifted in an void, losing track of time as I tried to come to terms with my death. 'How long had it been since I died? Killed by slipping on a banana peel, of all the ways to die. If I ever met my ancestors in heaven, I would probably get laughed right out.' Right after finishing that thought, I heard a loud, earsplitting DING, and a box that was so blindingly bright I couldn't tell what color it was appeared in front of me. "What the fuck?!" I shouted out loud, unable to cover my eyes or ears since I no longer had a body. The light eventually dimmed, becoming a plain white box with words on it. It read this:

* * *

WELCOME TO THE AFTERLIFE!

We're sure you're wondering what is happening, but please hold all questions until the end of the tutorial! Please say next when you are done reading this.

* * *

'What? What on earth is this?' I think to myself, but I say "Next." The window changes shape slightly, becoming longer, the words fading out and new ones appearing. The new box read this:

* * *

TUTORIAL PART ONE: CHARACTER CREATION!

Condolences for your untimely end, and CONGRATULATIONS! You have been invited to play a game! What's going to happen is, we are going to pick a random world for you to live your new life in! It can be any world you have read, watched, or dreamed of! How are we going to pick you ask? Good question! We're going to use a spinning wheel! Genius, right?

* * *

Suddenly, a giant, rainbow colored wheel appeared in place of the box once I was done reading. It had slivers so tiny I couldn't read the words. A new box appeared under it which read as such:

* * *

Say SPIN to spin the wheel!

* * *

"Spin!" I say after a moments thought, still very nervous and panicked (any world? I regret some of the things I've read now...) but a little hopeful (maybe I'll be put somewhere really peaceful and cool!).

The wheel started spinning fast for a few moments, and slowly started to slow. After a few moments of fear and bated breath, it finally stopped. It let out a song, one I recognized. It was ROCKS, by Hound Dogs, more commonly known as Naruto's first opening! I gasped, terrified, but also hopeful. It was a dangerous world sure, but it was NARUTO! I'd read so many fanfics and read the manga so many times it wasn't even funny. It was my favorite! It couldn't be _that_ bad, could it? A new window appeared.

* * *

WORLD CHOSEN!

Congratulations! We hope you enjoy the world that has been randomly chosen! Now, let's move on to making your character!

* * *

I would be shaking with anticipation if I still had a body. My own Naruto character! The window changed in both color and shape, turning into a bright blue scroll with orange edges. It rolled open.

* * *

CHARACTER CREATION TIME!

You have many options for making the new you! First, you need to pick a time. Here are your options:

Pre-Clan Wars Era: Meet the Sage of Six Paths and see how the clan wars started!

Pre-Founders Era: Live out the middle of the clan wars era, before any of the Founders of Konoha were born!

Founders Era: Help (or hinder!) the founding of the Great Ninja Villages!

Sannin Era: Join the Sannin's generation and fight alongside them!

Minato Era: Join Minato and Kushina's generation!

Kakashi Era: Join Kakashi's generation and fight in the Third Great Ninja War!

Naruto Era: Join the main canon crew, and live through the canon story, effecting (or avoiding!) it.

Random Era: We pick a Era for you! You'll have to figure out which one we picked for you after you're reborn!

* * *

I think hard, spending what seemed like another eternity trying to pick one, I knew I wanted to at least be somewhere with characters I knew, so Pre-Clan Wars and Pre-Founders Era were out. Naruto Era was okay, but I wanted to grind more before the REALLY bad stuff started happening, and fighting in the Third Great Ninja War sounded a little too much to start out with, so Kakashi Era was also out. No way was I going to do a random Era either, way too risky. That left the Founders Era, the Sannin Era, and Minato Era. After some careful thought, I ended up taking a risk and picking Founders Era. The more time I had to prepare the better, plus maybe I could convince Madara to stay in the village, that would solve SO many problems. It chimes, and after a few moments, the box changes again, getting a slightly worn, tattered look to it. New words form.

* * *

BACKGROUND CHOICES!

Pick your background! Some are unavailable outside of certain Eras. Any ones with living clan members will have your parents picked randomly! They can be the lowest, weakest pair, all the way up to the clan heads themselves!

Orphan: Clan Dead! Your clan got killed off, but (somehow) you managed to survive! Pros: You don't have to try to fit in! You can live wherever you want! Bonus to Wilderness Survival, Planting, and Beastmaster skills! Cons: You're alone, and vulnerable! You start out at a later age than other backgrounds, cutting down the time you have to grind levels and skills! You cannot have a major bloodline limit! Social skills start at a very low level (Random between level 1 and 3).

Orphan: Abandoned, raised by animals! Your clan/mother abandoned/lost you as a baby, but you got taken in by animal(s)! Pros: You've got (animal) friends! You can learn Sensory and Senjutsu skills more easily! Bonus to Wilderness Survival, Hunting, and Beastmaster skills! You can make jokes whenever someone asks you if you were raised by animals! You automatically start with beginner Poison and Healing skills, due to your knowledge of what is edible and not that you learned from your 'friends'! Cons: You tend to act more animal than human at times! Social skills start at a lower level than normal (A random level between 3 and 5). People will be suspicious of your 'friends', and by extension, you!

Brothel Child! You were born to a prostitute, and were kept, being raised in a brothel by your mother and your many 'Aunts'. Pros: You start with a high level in Music, Singing, Dancing, and Social skills! Your mother and 'Aunts' want you to not follow in their footsteps, so you get some starting funds if (when) you leave, according to how successful they are. Cons: Some people may judge you because of your beginnings. Some people may think you are easy or 'for sale' while you live there! Your fighting skills will be more difficult to level!

Bastard Child! You were born to a farming woman, who was unmarried and ended up doing some...things...with a ninja! You were born and given to your father to be raised! Pros: Fighting skills start at a higher level, and are easier to level! Some ninja may hesitate to attack you due to your clans reputation! You may have other bonuses, depending on clan picked! Cons: People in your clan (and maybe others) will judge you for not being a 'pure bred' ninja! You may have low support from your clan depending on clan chosen, or even have them discreetly try to get you killed off to protect their image!

Clan Child! You were born to two ninja parents, being raised by at least some of your clan members (if they should die). Pros: Fighting skills start at the highest level available for starting classes! Some ninja may hesitate to attack you! You can potentially have your clans support, depending on parents reputation and how much your parents like you/want to have you around! You may have other bonuses, depending on clan picked. Cons: Some people may purposely try to hunt you down to either steal bloodline limits or kidnap you! If your parents dislike you enough, the rest of the clan may also treat you badly!

Random Background! Pick a random background! Pros: Random. If it involves clans are bloodline limits, you still get to choose those. Cons: Random.

* * *

I think hard, trying to figure out which one was best. I honestly didn't know what I might be getting into with any of these backgrounds, or what kind of build I wanted, so I couldn't choose. I ended up picking Random Background. Might as well leave it up to chance, right? After I confirmed my choice, the box changed again, chiming loudly. It turned green instead of blue on the inside, but the outside edges stayed orange. New words appeared.

* * *

CHOOSE YOUR FATHER'S CLAN!

Not all of them are ones you may know! Not all of the ones you know may be available!

Senju Clan! Unlocks the option for Wood Release!

Uchiha Clan! Unlocks the option for Sharingan!

Inuzaka Clan! Grants bonus to Beastmaster skill, unlocks Animal Communication right away!

Uzumaki Clan! Start with double health and unlocks the option for Healing Bite! Unlocks option for one (1) random Chakra sensing ability, of any level! Bonus to Sealing skills!

Yuki Clan! Unlocks the option for Ice Release!

Random Clan! Let us choose a clan for you!

* * *

I automatically chose the Senju clan. Possibly having the ability to grow my own food at any time (at least fruit and grains) as long as I had chakra was too good a chance to pass up. Who knows what I might get into? I wouldn't want to starve to death! The scroll changed again, the orange edges turning to a dark, wood textured brown in appearance, new words forming.

* * *

CHOOSE YOUR MOTHERS CLAN!

Not all clans are available, limited to those found near where your first clan primary live or those who are allies to them.

Uchiha Clan! Unlocks the option for Sharingan! May cause both parents clans to hate you if they know.

Inuzaka Clan! Grants bonus to Beastmaster skill, unlocks Animal Communication right away!

Uzumaki Clan! Start with double health and unlocks the option for Healing Bite! Unlocks option for one (1) random Chakra sensing ability, of any level! Bonus to Sealing skills!

Clanless! Your mother is/was not from a clan.

Random Clan! Let us choose a clan for you!

* * *

I picked the Inuzaka clan for my mothers side. I didn't pick the Uchiha because I didn't want to risk both high level clans hating me, plus the whole 'Trauma to unlock bloodline limit' thing. No thanks. Uzumaki clan was cool, but the bright red hair was pretty distinctive, which would make it risky if anyone was hunting bloodline limits. No way was I picking Clanless, it gave me no bonuses, and random was just not happening. I guess I'll just Disney princess it up and get a doggy friend! A thin line of grey appeared between the brown and green of the box, and new words appeared.

* * *

CONGRATULATIONS!

Other options (appearance, bloodlines, ect) will happen later in the tutorial! Prepare for the game to start!

* * *

Sorry if it ended up on a cliffhanger, I figured I'd go ahead and cut it off here and let the rest of the stuff sort it out in the next chapter, so you guys can pick her background! Let me know if you want her raised by animals, or if she should be a Clan Child, and if you want her to use 'cheat codes' IE, start with either extra stat points, a random extra skill/bloodline limit, or if she should have a little money in her inventory, or if she should just never notice the option!


	3. Who knows what I'm doing

Clan child with small bonuses it is! Also, I'm changing over to third person, sorry for the inconsistency, first just isn't working for me. If I find out how, I might go back to the last chapter and update it to third person, or maybe switch between third with some moments of first person later. Also sorry for the puns, I couldn't resist the temptation. Also, sorry for all the timeskips, I pretty much wrote myself into a corner and had to use ideas I pretty much pulled out of my butt to try and pull myself out. I'm still learning how to do the writing.

* * *

The area around the girl started to spin faster and faster, before she felt like she had been shoved _into_ something, shocking her so badly she tried (and failed) to scream. She was in some wet, dark place, where it felt like she was underwater, which muffled her scream of surprise. The scroll appeared in front of her again, blocking whatever view she might have had of her surroundings. The scroll read this:

* * *

CHOOSE A DOG BREED!

They won't be exactly like the breeds you know, we only sorted it by general appearance and general personalty of the dog.

Great Pyreness; calm, smart, strong willed. Pros: Giant dog, good at close range protection, fluffy and warm, perfect for cuddling. Cons: SO MUCH FLUFF. Fur will get everywhere. Not for stealth work.

Doberman Pinscher; alert, fearless, loyal. Pros: Easy to train, little grooming needed, so loyal. Cons: needs lots of activity, not as good at frontline work.

Beauceron; smart, gentle, easy to please with preferred humans. Pros: perfectly snuggly, easy to train once trust gained, good at close range protection. Cons: needs lots of activity, not for stealth work (so much fur), may snark at you.

* * *

She thinks it over after she calms down from the spinning sensation and no longer had the urge to puke. The only dog breed she actually sort of knew was the Doberman, so choosing would be hard. She weighed the advantages. The Great Pyreness was good if she turned out to be bad at taijutsu, along with the Beauceron, but the Beauceron seemed like it would be harder to control since she didn't have much experience with dogs, so that ruled it out. The Doberman seemed like a good middle ground, but didn't have as many pros as the Pyreness, so that made her choice for her. The scrolls writing color changed from black to a very dark grey, starling her for a moment. New words appeared.

* * *

CHOOSE YOUR CHAKRA AFFINITY(S)!

You may pick up to three natures, and it will unlock any bloodline limits using them that are not passed on by a specific family. Other than the very first one you pick, you will have to work to unlock the other two (this excludes Yin and Yang release. In the case of one of these being your primary, it will also immediately unlock the next one out of Fire, Water, Earth, Wind, or Lightning that you chose, and you will unlock Yin or Yang later instead.) Any extra slots you leave open will allow you to pick one special skill based on what you did in your previous life!

Fire; I have a _burning_ question for you! Pros: You'll always be able to warm yourself up or start a fire to cook with! Cons: You may light things you don't want on fire if you aren't careful. You are not fireproof at all, so that includes yourself.

Water; Are you getting _tide_ of these awful puns yet? Pros: Put out fires with ease! You'll always have drinking water! You'll always have a way to wake someone up fast! Cons: The afore mentioned way of waking will piss people off. You may accidentally inhale water while learning some jutsu. You may drown yourself if you screw up really badly.

Earth; Don't take these puns for _granite._ Pros: You'll be able to push rocks and earth around as you like (as long as you have the chakra)! You'll be able to tell the state of the earth (if you ever get into farming or whatnot.). Cons: You might crush things you don't mean to if you aren't careful. You may also crush yourself.

Wind; How exactly does someone paint with it? Pros: Control the very air itself! Awesome cutting attacks are yours for the making! Cons: You might get a bunch of cuts. Wind natured attacks are difficult to learn and control.

Lightning; I'm sure you must be very _shocked_! Pros: Manipulate lightning! You'll be able to avoid being struck by natural lightning (even though that's super rare, so it's not much of a perk, is it?). Cons: You may electrocute yourself. You'll pretty always be giving people you touch static shocks.

Yin; I'm sure you don't _mind_ all these puns, right? Pros: Use your brain power to fight Bonuses to Genjutsu skills! Cons: Unless you also have Yang release, your physical skills will most likely be weaker.

Yang; You'll always be _armed_! Pros: You'll gain muscle and affect your body with skills more easily! Bonuses to Taijutsu and Healing skills! Cons: Unless you keep up with stretching exercises, your muscles may make you too stiff and have both slow reaction times and lower flexibility. I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how bad that can be.

* * *

She obviously was going to pick Water and Earth so that she could get Wood release, but what should she pick for her third one? Should she pick another one? The special skills could be cool or useful. The normal Fire, Wind, or Lightning were a little tempting, but Yin or Yang release sounded like it would be harder to unlock with other means. And the special skills might not be able to be chosen otherwise. She mulls it over, and ends up picking only water and earth, hoping the special skills will be words change again.

* * *

SPECIAL SKILLS!

You may pick one of these skills!

Special Observe skill: Your love of animals in your past life made it easier for you to tell different animals apart! You can use observe on non ninja animals and get more information from them!

Bird Partners: You kept many birds in your past life, and took good care of them. You gain the ability to tame and partner with bird(s)! You can gain one additional bird for your flock every time you max out affection with your current bird!

Loner: You didn't have many friends the first time around, so you got used to being alone. Any negative stats from being alone for long periods of time are halved.

* * *

She reads through them. The first one was interesting, but not as useful as the other two. Loner could be useful if she was planning to be alone for long periods of time, but she wasn't, and having her own horde of birds sounds super cool, even if she ended up with a dog. She picked Bird Partners.

* * *

CHOOSE YOUR BLOODLINE LIMIT(S)!

Picking more than one may cause you to get confused and make mistakes when trying to use just one, since they use the same chakra natures. It will also halve your starting chakra.

Wood release; need some wood? Pros: You can grow plants! Cons: You may be hunted down for your bloodline. Most plants are flammable, reducing any defense against fire greatly.

Mud release; do try not to track it indoors! Pros: You can do a variety of things with wet earth, including but not limited to: causing mud slides, making mud clones, and making mudbased quicksand. Cons: You'll get dirty and muddy often. You may end up being thought of as a filthy beast.

* * *

There were no other options other than those, although she only vaguely remembered Mud release from a novel she read one time. She thinks it over. Was it worth the risk of her using the wrong bloodline at the wrong time to have more than one? It would be useful to have another bloodline limit, if only to help hide the fact she had Wood release later if she needed to, since they used the same chakra natures. But picking both would halve her starting chakra, which could be risky. She decides to take the gamble, hoping there was a way to up her reserves later, and picked both.

* * *

APPEARANCE!

Your appearance will be randomly generated depending on how you answer these questions, and depending on what you picked during character creation. You will be started at age two, due to your choices.

Question one: What is your favorite active hobby? Answer: Biking.

Question two: What do you admire most in a person, personality-wise? Answer: Bravery.

Question three: If you had to choose one thing to take with you to a deserted island, what would it be? Answer: A book on survival strategy.

Question four: If you could live off one thing for the rest of your life, and had to, what would it be? Answer: Tofu (it has the most flavor options).

* * *

The scroll closed for a moment, letting out a whirring sound, before opening again. Appearance generated! It read. It didn't show her what appearance it chose for her, much to her disgruntlement. Hopefully she wouldn't be hideously deformed or something, she didn't need a disability to lower her survival chances. The scroll dinged, and changed again.

* * *

NEW QUEST! THE MENU!

What, you didn't think the tutorial was over, did you? Don't worry, we'll walk you through this first quest!

Rewards: 10 EXP, 50 Ryo

* * *

She sighed out in response to that quest, and accepted it. The scroll dinged again.

* * *

To open the menu, simply say or think 'Menu'.

* * *

She did so, and watched as options appeared, some of them grayed out and unselectable, permanently, or just for now? She wondered for a moment. The options were:

* * *

Save

Load (This one was grayed out.)

Settings

Sensory options (This one was also grayed out.)

Credits (This one was grayed out, again.)

Cheats

* * *

She immediately created a new save, and then opened the settings. After fiddling with it a bit, she had set it on normal difficulty (the lowest it would let her go, unfortunately.), activated the inventory, and changed the 'Spoken Word' setting from Japanese to English. After she felt done with the settings, she noticed that the cheats wasn't grayed out, and chose it, opening it up. Her options were these.

* * *

CHEATS!

Some small things to make starting out a little easier.

Extra stat points; start with 10 extra points to spend on your stats!

One random skill; Unlock one random skill of D rank of below to start with!

A little money; start with 5000 ryo (this equals about 50 dollars) in your inventory!

* * *

She snorted and activated all of them. Why not, right? Every little bit helps in the long run. After she did that, she closed the menu. The scroll reappeared after a second, telling her the her first quest was done and allowing her to claim her reward, although it didn't let her do anything before it opened again and showed more words.

* * *

STARTING GAME!

The birthing process may be disorienting and painful.

* * *

It warned her, before she suddenly felt like she was being crushed, the pain rapidly rising as the world whirled around her, too fast to pick out details. Eventually, the pain ended as she was suddenly blinded by bright light and blurry shapes moving above her, hearing a super gross slurp sound. Oh, gross she didn't just...oh god she did, she was going to puke! She squinted as her new eyes adjusted to the light, everything still blurry, but no longer blindingly bright. She heard loud, muffled words as someone scrubs off blood, before she felt something press into her chest, like it was checking for breath, followed by tapping on her back for a few moments before it stopped. The indistinct words she heard became quieter after that, as she was bundled up into a soft blanket, and handed to someone who cradled her gently (one of her new 'parents', she assumed). She was lifted closer to this new person, until she felt her head squish into something soft. 'Oh god no, don't tell me this person is going to...!' she thinks, horrified, before this person started breastfeeding her. the small part of her brain that wasn't currently grossed out or horrified noted that whoever this person was, they were super pale, and also that she should have expected this to happen. She then proceeded to block out the rest of her feeding for the sake of her dignity.

After _that_ embarrassing fiasco was over, she got a (slightly) better look at whoever this person was, and saw very light, red-brown hair, and green eyes set in a paper-white face. She couldn't get much more than colors, her newborn eyes still too weak for any clear vision, details blurring in and out of sight as her eyes tried to adjust, but from what she's seen so far she's sure that her mother was probably pretty good looking. "Ah, (insert fathers name), look at...daughter." her new parent cooed out, the reincarnated girl unable to hear every word, but getting most of them, as another blob loomed over her, too far for anything, even color, to be clear. "She has...face! It makes...displeased." The woman said, letting out a chuckle as she lightly brushed her nose with a finger. "Hm. She got your coloration...most part though, (insert mothers name)." Her new father said. He voice was mostly monotone, but had a slight bit of amusement, maybe even care. She heard a sliding swish in the background, followed by someone clearing their throat. "(insert father name), the Head is...you." The other, less clear, blob moved, not even saying goodbye before she heard the same swish-brush sound. Her mother snorted. "Ah, your father is so... He's trying to...cool, like I don't remember that he blubbered like a baby when...born."

She felt herself suddenly lurch up, the world moving around her until she was set on something soft, blurred lines surrounding her sides from what she could see. A crib, maybe? She felt something brush her nose yet again. What was with this person and her nose? she thinks to herself, before the place she was in started to rock really soothingly. Maybe she can take a short nap, she thinks before humming starts, and she falls asleep.

* * *

She wakes to a much darker place later, the place she was in quiet. Nighttime, perhaps? She squirmed, trying to get up, before she remembered that she was a gosh darned newborn baby, of course she was stuck. She didn't feel like screaming and crying to get attention (she might have a babies body but she still had some dignity left, darn it!). She tried to figure out something to do, before she remembered-she wasn't just a baby, she was a _ninja_ baby! Maybe she could try to access her chakra, that didn't need her to be able to run around, right? She hears a loud dinging sound which scared the (metaphorical, not literal) shit out of her. The scroll reappeared, words wiggling onto the paper.

* * *

NEW QUEST!

Learn to use chakra!

Rewards: Access to chakra, 10 EXP

Failure: Have to wait until next year to try again.

* * *

Next year?! Why would she have to wait a whole year to try again?! She wondered if this question would ever be answered for her. Maybe she'll look it up when she's older, she thinks. Anyways, she accepted the quest, not for her to figure out how to use chakra. She first tried to feel around her body for anything out of the ordinary, but she didn't feel anything she didn't have in her past life. Maybe she had to relax to feel it? She read some fanfics where they needed to clear their minds and meditate. She didn't know how to do that, but she could try! She relaxed, trying not to think...only to wake up a few hours later after falling asleep.

Gosh _darn_ it all to hell! Being a baby _sucked_! If she was older she could ask someone but nooo she just _had_ to end up as a newborn instead! Stupid afterlife, screwing around with her. She grumbled in her head for a few more minutes. She decided to try one more time, this time focusing hard of feeling around for her chakra. After about a hour of intense concentration, she felt something in her stomach that felt like clay and was...sticky? Yeah, sticky was how she would describe it. Was that her chakra? She kept focusing on it, trying to move it around. It felt like it was trapped by something that was somehow squishy and hard at the same time. She started picking at it, trying to get it to open up.

After almost 12 hours (interrupted with naps, diaper changes, and feedings) she _finally_ got it to open up, and her chakra started spreading through her body, making her feel odd and almost grossed out as the sticky feeling spread. It felt like she was slopping wet clay all over her insides, it was rather unsettling for some reason. She was scared shitless (literally this time, unfortunately) as another loud ding sounded and the scroll reappeared.

* * *

QUEST COMPLETE!

Rewards: Access to chakra, 10 exp.

* * *

Wait, how much Exp did she need to level anyways? She thinks status, trying to pull it up, but a error message occurred.

* * *

ERROR!

You need to complete these quests to unlock the status menu:

What do I look like? Requires: Walking

Who am I? Requires: Talking

Where am I? Requires: Talking

Who are my parents? Requires: Talking

Please try again after you have finished these quests!

* * *

 _WHAT THE FRICKLE DICKLE?!_ Why would she need to do so many quests just to unlock the _status menu!_ Seriously, why?! She groaned quietly, annoyed and frustrated. Might as well wait until she was able to start learning to walk or talk. Maybe she could try to unlock a chakra control skill and level that up in the meantime? She felt around for the 'core' of her chakra again, and started to try and focus it into her hand. After days of attempts (and her studiously ignoring whomever came to check up on her and feed her), she finally managed to unlock the new skill, simply named Chakra Control, a good portion of which was blurred out, the settings explaining that some things would be unviewable until she unlocked her own status screen. She took a deep breath and let out a quiet, disgusted huff. This was going to take awhile.

* * *

 _One year later..._

After nine boring, awful months of rolling around and struggling to figure out how to walk again (curse her flimsy baby limbs!) she finally, _finally,_ got the leg strength necessary to stand (surprisingly, she didn't get any windows appearing, other than the one letting her know she learned the 'Basic Motor skills', which grouped walking, running, and jumping together, although she only had walking unlocked at level 1. Weren't you supposed to be able to gain stats somehow? Maybe she was missing something?), a little bit thankful for her new 'mother' for helping her learn how to balance all over again. This woman wasn't her _real_ mother, just a way for her to be born, a npc, she told herself again and again. She had yet to make a sound around anyone else (mostly out of sheer spite for this man and woman trying to take places that wasn't theirs), ignoring the worried glances and this woman's increasingly stressed look as time wore on, and the mans frown deeping over the months, eyes lingering, a questioning stare every time she ignored them (little did she know, rumors were going around that she was disabled, born crazy, some even saying she was some demon who took the place of her parents baby.). She had better things to do than worry about than this npc (person, a small part of her brain that she ignored as well whispered, this is a person!).

More news, her vision finally cleared up as well, letting her look at the two npcs who were keeping her alive. The woman had shockingly pale skin, very light red hair that was so long it almost reached the floor, and a gentle face with surprisingly sharp green eyes that seemed to bore into her soul every time she looked at her, picking her apart, but it didn't seem to be out of malice, merely curiously. She also seemed almost boyish in body, all subtle, easy to miss curves on a tall (maybe it was just her baby size making the woman seem so tall?), lean form.

The man was obviously tall, having to duck down every time he entered or left this room (nursery, she supposed.), lest he bash his face into the frame. He had shoulder length brown hair that grew in shaggily, thick and unkempt, and had a very stern, predatory face, looking like he was barely holding back bloodlust or glaring all the time with his dark brown eyes. He also had a surprising amount of muscle, under dark olive skin that was littered in scars, standing as testament to the many battles he had been in along with how harsh a time this was.

She had decided that the man clearly had more to offer her, training-wise, than the woman. She had no desire to learn whatever 'womanly duties' this time might try to foist off on her if it was anything like the feudal eras from her own world. She was going to do whatever she wanted, however she wanted to, regardless of what was expected of her by these people.

Anyways, that was enough about those people, she had something she was much more interested in doing than observing them. She had finally learned how to walk, which meant she could figure out what she looked like now for the first quest on the list. There was, however, one obstacle to doing that. There wasn't anything even remotely reflective in the nursery, and her 'parents' would scoop her up anytime she tried to stumble her way out the door (stupid npcs, getting in her way). That left only two options open to her that she could figure out.

Option one: attempt to sneak out. Very risky, what with the man obviously being a ninja, she'd have to wait until she was certain he was gone and hope the woman was distracted somehow. Maybe wait until he was gone for a few days and the woman left to sleep?

Option two: somehow convince them to take her out, in hopes that they pass something reflective. But that would most likely require her to talk to them, which she was firmly refusing to do so far. Maybe find a different way to convince them to take her out?

She would obviously try the first option before the second, but she'd need to plan a bit before she could try it. First off she'd have to level up the Basic Motor Control ability so she wouldn't be so shaky and unbalanced while walking, then she'd have to figure out if there was some kind of stealth skill, or maybe figure out a sensory skill, either of which could be useful in the long run. This was going to take a lot of trail and error.

* * *

 _One more month later..._

Holy shark kibble, it took _forever_ for her to level that up, and she only managed to get four levels before that freaking scroll appeared again telling her that most skills were age locked, meaning she either had to be six years old to unlock it, that it would be much harder to level, or that she could only get it up to level five before she had to wait another year to level it up some more, which would mean she would only be able to get to unlocking the running part of Basic Motor Control when she was three! This was bullpoopy.

On better, less frustrating news, she found out that _yes_ , there was both a stealth skill she could unlock, and also a minor sensory skill she could unlock, which mostly focused on her sense of smell (who knew sniffing everything would be useful in this life). Guess it had to do with her mothers side, weren't Inuzaka known for having good noses?

She had used her rest time to figure out those two and level them up to the max level she was allowed currently, which was the same as the walking one, mostly when she was supposed to be sleeping, leaving her exhausted, but satisfied with her work. Her new 'parents' panicked a little when they noticed she wasn't sleeping very much at all. She had to admit, even if she hated them on principle, their reactions when they were worried were quite entertaining. Her 'mother' pretty much tried every trick in the book to make her doze off, from singing and rocking to trying to cuddle her again (which she guiltily had to admit she liked. Hey, she was a baby again, it was fine for her to get some attention now and then, right?). Her 'father' pretty much tried to run her into the ground during the day while she ignored his attempts, simply huffing quietly and going about her business of waddling her butt all over the room and getting into things she was pretty sure they didn't want her getting into. She still remembered the panic on their faces when she managed to get her hands on her 'fathers' weapon pouch, looking for something shiny enough to see her reflection with (there wasn't any, but even her seemingly emotionless 'father' ran after her like a headless chicken, only to be thwarted by running his face into the door frame at full speed. Unfortunately for her, her mother scooped her up when she was only a few steps out of the room.).

Now, she felt she was ready to break free from her (comfortable) prison! She had waited until her 'father' didn't visit for a few days, knowing that most of these times lasted for at least a week, so now was her best chance, and had pretended to sleep, much to the relief of her 'mother', who left to sleep herself. She then managed to pull herself out of her bed (her mother had forgotten to lock the crib bars, lucky!) and waddled her butt to the door, opening it slowly and wincing at the loud creaking sound it made. She would have to be fast.

She peered left and right, breathing deeply through her nose to try and catch any new smells. She smelled her 'mother', which was fresh and new, and her 'fathers' which had faded a bit, and a mysterious third smell which was barely there that she decided to check out later, if she had the chance after she was done with the most pressing issue.

She moved purposely down the hall, carefully peeking into every room she past, most seeming to be storage or empty, before she came upon what she needed.

In a mostly empty room was a large mirror that was right around her height, with what appeared to be words etched into the frame, a large crack in it showing why it was here instead of being used. She carefully moved into the room, looking around, before she finally saw herself for the first time after dismissing the box telling her she completed a quest and gained some money and exp.

She had broad shoulders in this body, almost gangly looking on her tiny baby body, and what looked like longer than average arms and legs, although that was probably just perception messing with her. She also had very dark, reddish hair that seemed to grow in the same shaggy way her 'fathers' did, and pale skin that was just a shade from being creepy. She noticed she had seemingly inherited her 'fathers' stern face a bit, although the seriousness was muted by her baby chub, and her mothers sharp eyes, although hers were much darker than her 'mothers' with a slightly brighter ring around her iris.

All and all, she was pleased with her appearance for now, although she knew it would probably change a lot with age and puberty.

She heard a shuffling sound behind her and turned, seeing her 'mother' looking panicked, before relief showed on her features. "Ne, how did you get in here?" her mother asked, moving swiftly to lift the girl into her arms, who put up a token struggle, knowing from experience that the woman was stronger than her and wouldn't let her escape. "Are you looking at yourself, sweetling? Admiring how cute you are?" Her 'mother' teased, smiling at her gently, still trying to get her to say anything. The girl huffed haughtily, turning her head away even though she was in a good mood now, much to the woman's amusement, who turned, slowly bringing her back to the nursery. "Ah, it seems we have a little noble visiting! Good thing we have a bed prepared for them!" the woman joked, causing the girl to snort in amusement (much to the pleasure of her 'mother', who had yet to see her smile or laugh), setting her in the crib and making sure to lock the bars this time, trapping the girl in her soft, fluffy prison yet again, before nudging the girl back, tucking her in. "Get some sleep, cutey. You have a big day tomorrow!" her 'mother' told her, tweaking her nose before she settled into her own futon, which she appeared to drag into the room in a flicker of movement, one second the floor was bare, the next it was there. The girl slowly nodded off, wondering what the woman meant by saying she had a big day tomorrow.


	4. In which there are finally names

Hi everyone! I hope you're all enjoying the story so far! I figured I'd publish this chapter a little early as a treat for being so patient with me so far!

A big shoutout to ricsi0309 for reading this over and helping me smooth it out, and to all my followers and reviewers! Thank each and every one of you for your support!

I'm still looking for a official Beta so I don't have to hassle people for guidance, so if anyone is a Beta (or a aspiring one!) and is reading this, please let me know!

* * *

She was woken up early the next day by her 'mother', who quickly pulled her out of her crib despite her ill-mannered struggling and obvious frustration, setting her on her feet and immediately started trying to put some sort of stuffy, itchy clothing on her, causing her to squirm and grunt, making things very difficult for her 'mother', who sighed. "Little one, you need to get dressed, we're already late!" She said, frustration in her voice, much to the reborn girl's satisfaction. How dare this woman try to make her wear something itchy. She was a adult (in mind, at least), darn it! She won't be contr- annnnd her 'mother' managed to shove her into the clothing while she ranting in her head. Great. Just what she wanted. Someday she will have revenge for this insult! Someday!

The clothing seemed to be a simple, understated Yukata, in shades of dark brown. It was clear that it was rather old and had been patched many a time. If it wasn't so darn itchy, she would have liked it. She grew up wearing hand-me-downs for the most part in her last life, and still preferred older, worn in clothing all the way up to her death, often buying used clothing online even after she became moderately successful compared to her early life.

Once she was dressed, her 'mother' tied her hair into a short, stubby ponytail, and looked her over. "It'll have to do." she mumbled, lifting her into her arms and bolting off, out the door and down hallways, going somewhere in a hurry. The girl responded to the bouncing the only way she knew how- she bit her 'mother'. Right on the neck. The woman yelped in surprise, dropping her in shock and staring at her, mouth agape as she rubbed at the marks the girl left with her gums. The girl responded with a disdainful sniff, but had mercy on the woman and held her hand out for the woman to take instead once she got over her daughter biting her. The woman took her hand gingerly, eyeing her like she was expecting the girl to lunge for her, and started to carefully lead her towards whatever their destination was, at a much slower pace than before.

After about ten minutes of walking, they arrived in front of a large door, larger than any she had seen since being reborn. It was almost ten feet tall, and half as wide across, with intricately carved designs of various animals about the size of a thumb, from foxes and hounds to hawks and even sharks, clearly having been added to slowly, over the years, some with better craftsmanship than the ones next to it and vise-versa. It was only about half covered, leaving space for whatever new carvings would be made in the years to come. Her 'mother' took the time to point them out to her to make sure she saw them, smiling down at her fondly.

"These carvings are very important, sweetheart. You see how each one is a little different, some more sloppy? Each one is carved by hand by people of the Senju clan- that's our family name- who accomplish something great, regardless of whether they are ninja or not, girl or boy. See this one?" She said, pointing out a deeply carved, sloppy heron, with slightly jagged edges, like whoever was carving it was in a rush. "This one was carved by your great great grandmother from your fathers side, Hotaru, who was a blacksmith, despite her being very small even as adult. Some tales even say that she was so small she could be confused for a young child with ease. They also say she made weapons so well that each had a part of her soul inside them, could positively influence the wielder, and protect them from outside influence, although they all have been lost since that time. This one," she says, now pointing to a beautiful turtle, all swirling lines and graceful curves, edges smooth and rounded, like someone had traced the lines hundreds of times until it was just right, "This one was made by your grandfather Akihiro. He was very big and strong, but he did not know how to speak well and acted oddly. Some people thought that he would be resigned as a burden, but even though it took him many years longer than his peers to learn, he ended up developing healing arts that far surpassed those of his time even though he still acted oddly and never learned to socialize quite like anyone else-they are even used today and many have yet to be surpassed by other techniques. I met him once, long before you were born. He never looked at anyone's face, he tended to move very jerkily, like a puppet on strings, and sometimes would repeat the same thing over and over, but there was no one as respected as him in this clan. Don't believe anyone who tries to tell you that you can't do something, either because your small like Hotaru, or even if it's just because you learn differently like Akihiro. Anyone can be amazing, regardless of their body, brain, or origins. One day when you're older, your father will teach you the skills your fathers mother passed down to him so you can continue the tradition of people from your fathers line making weapons, and your father will teach you some of his grandfathers healing skills, if you wish to learn. Maybe one day, you'll surpass all your predecessors." She told her, stroking the girls cheek affectionately.

The reborn girl felt a unexpected surge of warmth for her when the woman told the story and reassured her that she would be trained by both her and her 'father' in useful skills if she wished it, and that they would not be forced upon her if she didn't, even if she had many questions to ask about these people she spoke of. She turned her head away from the woman's soft, loving smile, choking back a few tears of relief and some of shame at how she had treated her the past months. The woman clearly loved her, she did think that she was her daughter. Would it hurt so much to let the woman love her like that?

Her mother, done explaining, tugged her forward, interrupting the girls heavy thoughts as she slowly pushed open the door. Inside was a few people. Her 'father' she recognized at once, sitting with his feet tucked under his butt next to a very, very old, weak looking man who seemed to be mixing something in a small bowl, adding leaves every now and then. There was also a younger man, with deep frown lines and piercing eyes that seemed distant and disapproving of everything. Her mother quickly ushered her to sit next to her 'father', and sat on her other side, pinning her between them. It was clear now that they were around other people that yes, her parents were really tall compared to others. The older man looked up slowly, humming. "Does the little one know what she is here for today?" Her asked in a quiet, rasping voice that was surprisingly firm. When her parents shook their heads no, he breathed out a long sigh.

"Little one, this may be the most important day of your life. You have finally moved beyond the days when you were too small and weak for us to be assured of your survival, and now you will be becoming a child of our clan, and you will be given a name, if your body and chakra is strong enough. Your parents, unlike other members of the Senju, have chosen to, instead of naming you themselves, to use a old ceremony, where you are named based on how your chakra is. Here, I will carefully feel out your chakra, and depending on what I find or do not find, your name will be made. Normally this is only really done if a child is born sickly and stays sickly, for luck, but, well...you don't exactly act like a normal child. Now, hold out your hand." He said, adding water to whatever it was he was making in the bowl.

The girl held out her hand hesitantly under the mans keen gaze, and he took her by the wrist firmly. "This can be painful or very pleasant, depending on what is inside your chakra. Be prepared." He said, and reached into the bowl with his snarled hands, which had stained fingers. He scooped out some of his mixture, and started to carefully dab it onto her veins, easily visible due to her translucent skin.

It started out as warm and a little tingly where he pressed the mixture, before starting to heat up slowly, the tingling soon becoming stabbing pains as the warmth became a burning feeling. She panicked, jerking her other hand up to try and pry his away, only for her 'father' to grab it, yanking it back down to her side as she struggled against the old man shockingly strong grip, unable to free her arm. She started to sob, the burning starting to spread up her arm to the rest of her body even after the man stopped at her elbow. Her mother pressed her hand into the small of her back, trying to reassure her. The old man waited for something, and once the burn had spread from her arm and her chest to her head and toes, covering every inch of her, he seemed to pull a piece of paper from nowhere, pressing it to her arm. Colors spread from her veins to it, and spread farther until the paper was covered in strange designs, curves and jagged edges side by side. It was shades of brown, blue, and grey.

The man hummed, tracing the grey lines. "This is interesting. I have only ever seen this color in those who are very old, or very foolish. It's the color of regret, someone who left much they loved behind them, or those who are about to go across to the great beyond." He said. Her parents looked at each other, worry and confusion plain on their faces. "And yet, you are hale and healthy, and much too young to have left loved things behind. I know what name suits you, now. You will be called Kiwa, use it well. Do well by yourself." The old man said, before carefully rocking himself into a standing position and hobbling off with surprising quickness, leaving only her, mother, 'father', and the other man. She heard and saw the dinging of the scroll telling her that she had completed a side quest labeled 'My name is what?' which gave her a little money and exp, but dismissed it quickly, since this really wasn't the time.

Her father didn't hesitate, bowing before the stranger. "Kiwa, this is Butsuma, the clan head, your tenth cousin, once removed." He said, her mother tapping her back to try and get her to bow to him, which she ignored, opting to look him over instead as he stared at her. "Is this your daughter, then? Hopefully her malformed chakra won't be passed down to any children she has for the clan. We don't need any men with...defects." He said dismissively, only to look a little startled when she carefully blanked her face and started at him, unblinkingly. The minutes ticked on, her ignoring the dryness of her eyes in order to make him uncomfortable with her stare, thankful that she inherited her mothers piercing gaze, and him valiantly trying not to get spooked by this strange child whos eyes seemed to fish up every part of him and throw it back, finding him altogether lesser and disappointing for the experience, none of the kindness in her mothers eyes to soften the blow.

He looked away first, standing. "Farewell, Fumihiro, Ainu. Try to raise her to be useful." He said, sounding just a touch upset, leaving swiftly in retreat, much to Kiwa's satisfaction. 'That's right, snob, you better run away. Calling me malformed.' She thinks to herself, smirking.

Her father turned to give the girl a dirty look after the man left, her mother covering her mouth with a sleeve as she tried not laugh. "Why would you stare at the clan head like that?! Ainu, stop laughing! This is serious!" he said, almost sounding like he was whining as her mother started to snicker. "Oh, come on now dear, that was hilarious!" Ainu said, causing his mouths lips to twitch up at the corners, just a little. "Well, funny as it was, he still is the clan head, and angering him can cause many problems later." He said firmly, even though he was also holding back laughter, making her mother laugh harder.

It took almost twenty minutes for her mother to stop laughing, mostly because she started staring at her every time she looked like she was stopping. She felt surprisingly warm. Comfortable, she thought. It wasn't like her first mom was here, what would be wrong with gaining a second one? She muses, interrupted from her thoughts again, this time by her 'father'.

"Now that this is done, there is someone very important you must meet." He said, standing. Her mother got up as well, and helped her stand (pretty much just dragging her up, she didn't feel like moving). Her mother beamed. "Oh, yes! They've been waiting your whole life to meet you! Come along, come along!" She said cheerfully, practically bouncing where she stood. The girl gave a exaggerated sigh, but let herself be dragged along by her mothers enthusiasm.

They all but bolted from the room, dragging her down this hallway and that hallway, the girl quickly getting frustrated at being manhandled. Right when she was seriously considering biting again, they finally came to a stop, her mother opening up a door.

Inside was two beds, a rickety desk and chair, and, probably most importantly, another child, this one appearing to be about 8, maybe 9 years of age, still too young to determine his/her sex at a glance. They looked rather gangly and awkward at first glance, all elbows and knees, and too wide brown eyes set on a face just a tad too small for them, with the same scruffy hair her and 'father' had. They also seemed to be...vibrating? she observed before they suddenly lunged at her.

She let out a undignified squeak as this other child suddenly lifted her up and gave her a crushing hug. "Little sister! Is it you?! Is it really, really you?!" the child screamed into her ear, causing her to look towards her mother, eyes screaming for aid, which she did not receive, her mother muffling laughter again while her father just looked away, acting like he didn't see anything. The child squeezed harder, smothering her.

That's it. She's taking matters into her own hands, she decided, and made direct eye contact with her mother as she opened her mouth, her mother panicked and lunged for the children, trying to stop her, but it was too late. She had already latched on to the other child's ear, gumming it mercilessly to the other child's screaming, it still taking a few moments for them to drop her. Once she was dropped, she gave her best imitation of a cat's hiss, and lunged behind her laughing 'father', who, other than her, was clearly the only sane one in this weird family, for protection.

The other child, after a moment of licking their wounds (metaphorically, he wasn't like the pedo-snake dude, his tongue wasn't that long), tried to lunge for her again, whirling around her father in a instant, leaving her only avenue of escape from this clearly insane person being to climb up her fathers back, causing him to yelp in surprise as she hauled butt right up his back to grip his hair, scooting herself so she clung to the top of his head, giving everyone a very pissed off look, looking like a very peeved off cat in human form, her ponytail having come undone in the fuss, leaving her scruffy, shaggy hair to add to the impression, which set her mother off again. "Don't run from me, little sister! I only want to give you lots of love and squish you a little!" The older child said, only causing the girl to look even more irritated, clinging on tighter.

After a few moments of her sibling trying to climb up after her, only to be shook off by 'father' every time the girl gave a violent pull to his hair, her mother finally calmed down, and picked up the other child, patting their head. "Now, now, Maru, don't be so rough with Kiwa, can't you see that you upset her?" The woman scolded lightly while her father attempted to pry her off his head, only to get his hair harshly yanked, causing him to yelp and resign himself to having her act like his new hat for the time being.

"But Mom! How am I supposed to resist hugging her with all my might?! She's so little and cute and she's my sister! My first sibling! I have never been more excited for anything ever! Ever!" The hyper, happy child yelled, grin splitting his or her face. "I'll be the best big brother ever!" the, now clearly, boy said, vibrating in his mothers arms. "I'll teach her all the stuff I know, and I won't let anyone bully her, or let anyone else squish her with super hugs because that's my job now!" the boys yelled, before her mother covered his mouth. "Okay, son, I know your super pumped up to meet your sister, but I think you're getting a little carried away. Also, pretty sure if you yell anymore into my ear I'll go deaf." her mother said, giving him a stern look.

The girl just gave her 'fathers' hair a tug, trying to direct him out the door to leave these nutters to their own devices. She didn't need this crazy boy in her life, she had things to do that didn't involve crazy rubbing off on her anymore than it already had. Unfortunately for her, her father clearly wasn't well trained and did not leave the room, instead moving closer to them at her mothers beckoning, crouching so her and the other child was face to face. She hissed again.

Her mother frowned at her. "Kiwa, at least growl. We're related to the Inuzaka, not cats." She said, which only got her another displeased hiss in return as the other child reached out, trying to grab her. She yanked harshly at her 'fathers' hair again, but he didn't move, causing her to use plan B. She let go, dropping to the ground and bolting out the door while her 'father' scrambled to his feet, using to element of surprise to make her daring escape from these crazy people and their demon child. She waddled herself halfway down the hallway as her 'father' finally got out into the hall, only to ram his face into a doorway yet again (you'd think he'd get used to dodging door frames, but alas), ducking into a room, which clearly was another storage room, crammed herself into a empty box, and closing the lid on herself. After a few moments, she started to think to herself.

What kind of family was she reborn into? This kid had met her from all of 5 minutes but was already acting like a crazy stalker, and her mother and 'father' just brushed it off as if it was normal. Was it normal here? If it was that was going to start changing real soon, you can bet her butt on that.

More importantly, why on earth had she suddenly decided to start biting people? When? It was unhygienic for one thing, for two it was far more childish than she should be acting. In her past life she was usually very self controlled, and would never do something like climb up a person and start hissing and acting like some kind of feral animal. Why would she do it now?

Was it because of her new body? The hormones and brain of this infant messing with her? If she was being affected by that, was she really the same person she was before, or had she already changed?

Kiwa (she supposed she might as well get used to being called by that name, they probably weren't going to stop anytime soon) lay curled up inside the box pondering those questions for what seemed like a long time, but was actually only a few minutes (ah, the joys of childhood, when everything seems longer than it is), only to be broken from her thoughts by a tapping on the lid.

She breathed in slowly, and let out a long, irritated sigh in response, only for this person to keep tapping away, causing her frustration to grow and grow. After a few agonizing minutes where this person just wouldn't go away, she finally just slammed the lid open, also striking them square in the face with it, sending them bowling backwards. She sits up, turning to give the person who bothered her a death glare, seeing that it was the crazy clingy child.

For the love of everything good in this world, why was this child so god-darned obsessed?! She had barely spent 5 minutes in their presence! Also, weren't they at least 5, even if they're huge for their age? Who was responsible for teaching this kid how to socialize? Nevermind, that was probably her new 'parents', who...weren't actually very good role models for healthy socialization for kids his age, or really anyone. Good lord, was she going have to teach this kid how to behave?! She was not prepared in any way to teach somebody manners, has anyone seen how she's been acting this whole time?!

Kiwa started to have a momentary crisis. One one hand, she already rather disliked being around this kid already, on the other hand, she had a responsibility to any other sane people in the world (if there were any) to make sure this crazy boy was well, less crazy before he get unleashed onto them.

The other child gave her a hesitant smile after he was done whining pathetically over being beaten by a lid, slightly unnerved by the intense stare she was giving him.

The girl kept staring at him for short while longer, gears churning. Maybe she could work with this...if she could do it without speaking. Never let it be said that she wasn't a stubborn butt hat (maybe she also wanted to see how long she could go before people really started to worry too, she has at least 4 more years to go before she can start power leveling, let her have this!).

Kiwa took a deep breath, steadying her nerves, and reached out a hand to the boy so he could help her out of the box. He immediately burst into a wide grin, holding her hand firmly, the only thing stopping him from going nuts again was the firm look she gave him as she hobbled out of the box. She gave him a approving nod when he behaved himself, making him grin even wider, happy.

"Mom and Dad are lookin' for you, sister! We should hurry back so that they don't get panicky!" He said (what was his name again? Did she ever hear his name?), giving her a slight tug. She shook her head no, a mischievous thought coming into her head. She could use some time away from the watchful gaze of her parents, and she wanted to know more about this kid she was going to have to help out later.

He gave her a confused look, giving her another tug. "But...they'll worry?" He said, more of a question about what the heck she was doing that a statement about her parents emotional state.

She patted his shoulder firmly, tugging him back and giving him another stare, this one questioning. He stared back, looking more and more confused. She tapped his chest with a finger and then pointed at herself, hoping to convey that she wanted to know about him. He just looked more confused, so she started poking him repetitively until he finally got the point.

"Oh! You want to know about me?" He asked, her giving a firm nod in return. He grinned yet again.

"Well, you probably already know that my name is Maru, I'm 6 years old." He started, shocking her with his age. This kid was a freaking giant, there was no way he was six! She thought to herself, before he continued.

"I had three other little siblings before you, but we never got to meet, so I'm super thrilled to meet you! I'm best at weapons, like dad, but I'm really bad at throwing stuff and reading and writing 'cause everything is too weird and floppily to make sense of when it's written down and it's hard to focus on looking at things that are too far away. I can sort of understand the medical stuff mom is trying to teach me, but I can't get my...inside stuff, I can't say the right word yet without messing it up, to move right to do it, so mom said I should stop for now."

She digests the information he dumped on her, most curious about the other siblings. What happened to them? Why did they never get to meet? She would have to ask about this later, if she eventually gives in and starts talking to them.

After she thinks things over for a few more moments, she makes a plan of action. First, she needs to nudge him towards something to work all his enthusiasm into instead of trying to maul her. Second, she needs to get more information about what and what not is socially acceptable here. Third, she needs more information on how chakra works here, if only so that she can confirm what she already knew from her past life. After those three things (and when she turns six, stupid skill cap!), she can start making bigger plans. But what could she direct him to in order to keep him off her?

All and all, his introduction and her plan making took a awkward half hour of her staring into space and him shifting around nervously the longer she did.

Suddenly, her mother burst into the storage room, her frantic look turned to looking downright cranky once she spotted them. "Kiwa! Me and your father have been looking everywhere for you for the last half hour!" She shouted, grabbing them both by the collar and all but starting to drag them behind her. "Do you know how worried you running off made us?! Even if we live here, it's never one hundred percent safe, you could have been taken or hurt yourself!" She soon had dragged the two children (one whining, the other just letting herself be dragged along) to a room the girl hadn't seen before, opening the door and urging them inside.

After a few deep breaths, her mother finally settled down a little. She dropped to her knees, grabbing Kiwa gently by the shoulders. "Kiwa. I know that you are probably too young to understand this yet, but the world is dangerous, even though it seems safe to you now. There are many people who would want to hurt or take you away from us just because who you were born to. Please, don't run off like that again. You have no idea how worried I got. Understand?" She asked, to which the girl nodded, getting a fond pat on the head. "Now, I have to go find your father and tell him we found you. Stay here with Maru. Why don't you go to bed? I'm sure it's been a long day for you." She said, not giving her much choice as she was promptly lifted into a crib (cursed prisons they were) and had a blanket thrown at her as her mother left.

She fussed silently for a while, feeling like she wounded her pride by being shoved in a crib again while Maru was free to wander the room, doing who knows what. After a few minutes of irritation, she started to relax, and eventually fell asleep.


	5. How about NO

Kiwa was woken up early again the next day (when will these people just let her sleep?!), this time by the grinning faces of her mother and Maru. "Guess what, Guess what I got Mom to agree to Kiwa!" Maru said, bouncing and being way to energetic for this time in the morning. For goodness sakes, the sun wasn't up yet, why should she be?!

Despite her silently cursing them in her head and giving them a very displeased look, they did not seem to take the hint, and Maru just kept talking. "See, I talked to Mom and Dad lots and lots, and managed to convince them to start testing you out a year early, to see whether you'd be a good ninja like Dad and me or if you should be assigned elsewhere like Mom! Isn't that great?! We can take the final test together! We know you'll be a bit behind, but that doesn't matter because you're MY sister, I'm sure you'll do great!" He said, grinning at her like this was a good thing.

That sure caught her attention, but also made her worry a tad bit. If she started a year early AND behind other kids being 'tested', whatever they meant by that, wouldn't that just make things more difficult for her to 'pass'? Gosh DARN it Maru! She's NINE MONTHS OLD you IDIOT! Why are you trying to drag her into stuff she wasn't ready for, and stack the odds against her by doing it?! Maybe she should try and convince them to wait till next year for this...NO! That would make her seem like some sort of coward, or lazy! She wasn't going to be looked down on like that again! Not like last time. Things weren't going to be like last time.

She nodded at him, and dragged her tired butt out of her blanket burrito, letting her mother pick her up and change her, this time without protest. Gotta save energy for whatever was going to happen, after all.

After she and Maru were dressed simply (the little turd lord that was Maru got to dress himself, lucky misbegotten child!), her mother took her by the hand, smiling down at her. "Don't worry Kiwa. I'm sure you'll do fine." She said, reassuring her a little.

They started walking through the halls, until they ended up at a loud, noisy room full of children running around, wrestling and fighting in some cases and getting along in others. They all seemed much bigger than her, which was...worrying. "Well, here's your stop Kiwa. I'll see you when I come to pick you up later." Her mother said, patting her head. Maru grinned as well. "You'll blow them out of the water, Kiwa! You'll be the best, you'll see!" he yelled as they left, attracting the attention of the nearby kids, some of which looked at her with pity, others who looked like they wanted to give her a good beating for some reason, probably because MARU felt the NEED to draw attention to her, possibly on purpose, cementing his status as a turd lord.

She took a deep breath before walking into the chaos, immediately having someone get into her way. She looked up, up, up at the huge kid, outwardly looking calm but internally panicking because this kid sure didn't seem friendly. The other kid glared down at her.

"So, you're some sort of bigshot, huh? Getting to join in so late, but that other kid seemed so confident that you'd 'blow us all out of the water'? Why don't you step up during training and show us what you got?!" the kid, who she was pretty sure was a guy now, said, shoving her roughly as he passed by. Honestly, this kid was crazy. One line that was only mildly offensive and suddenly they were pissed? Like, calm down dude or dudette (still pretty sure, but she hadn't gotten any confirmation, so better be careful. Definitely did not need the extra anger of assuming someone was a dude or a girl or otherwise if they weren't. She liked her spine unsnapped, thanks.). She wasn't going to try and start anything.

Suddenly, the children went dead quiet and lined up for something. Kiwa, not wanting to be out of place, stepping into line as well, as a young, incredibly fit woman came into the room. It was clear, even through her clothing, that this lady was built like a brick outhouse. Kiwa was instantly impressed by this woman.

"Good morning students!" She said firmly when she came to a stop in the middle of the line.

"Good morning, teacher!" Some of the other students said in response, bowing. Kiwa didn't say anything, but awkwardly bowed as well. Might as well be polite, right?

The teacher clapped her hands. "I see a new face! We'll have to do introductions when we get back from our morning exercises! Until then, you can just call me Teacher, no need to know my name." She said cheerfully, winking at Kiwa, who suddenly felt like someone tossed her off a cliff. Introductions? She's have to speak for the first time in 9 months, and in front of strangers? This was going to be bad, The girl thought, ignoring the exercise part for the moment along with the fact the teacher didn't actually give her a name to call her by.

"First, dynamic stretches!" The teacher said, raising her arms into the air in a Y shaped position and starting to move her arms from the shoulders in gradually widening circles for about ten minutes. Kiwa did her best to imitate her, feeling weird and awkward (and also thankful that the line was stretched out enough that no one was whacking her in the head like that one time with jumping jacks in the gym in middle school, but enough on that incident).

Then they started to swing there arms from side to front, meeting in the middle and switching which hand was on top between 'meetings'. The girl started to feel a slight burn in her shoulders and chest, but dismissed it as something normal.

After that they started taking steps forward and leaning way down, only to step back and do it again with the other leg. Now she started to feel a tad bit out of breath. Were stretches suppose to be this hard? She was probably just out of shape.

Then they stood up and the teacher looked them all over. Kiwa was relieved to see that she wasn't the only one a little out of breath. She could do this! Just power through it!

"Alright, now lets go outside for the real exercise!" The teacher said cheerfully, to which the girl barely held back a groan as she followed the other kids out, down the hall, and to another door. This was harder than she thought...also, why were all the doors and halls so similar? Some sort of defensive measure, or was someone just really, really lazy when it came to interior design?

When they reached the door (you know, she never noticed it until now, but why was there no windows here? Something to ask about later), the teacher walked ahead, opening the door to bright sunlight, sending the girls heart thumping. They were really going outside. She didn't want to...but she had to try eventually. right? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad in a new body?

The other kids went out single-file, but Kiwa hesitated a moment, before going outside slowly, taking a deep breath. She would have to face this eventually, she couldn't just stay inside this time. Besides, there were other things to focus on. Just don't think about it, focus on the exercise.

Kiwa was momentarily amazed when she got outside. She was in a modestly sized clearing, surrounded by the tallest trees she had ever seen (not even in just compared to her size- these trees were HUGE!). They loomed over them all, branches and shiny, almost reflective leaves smothering the sky so that not even a bit of blue or grey could be seen, just the bits of light that managed to filter through to light up the area.

After she got over her amazement and releaf. (Get it? ReLEAF? You haven't escaped the puns yet.) Kiwa got in line, following the other kids lead.

"Now kiddos, lets get to the real exercise! Let's start with some laps, shall we?" the teacher said enthusiastically. Kiwa braced herself. She had a feeling this was going to suck like a vampire bat.

* * *

Kiwa might not be dying after that (MIGHT), but she sure felt like she was.

Why did she ever think it was a good idea to be reborn here? She couldn't have been reborn somewhere easy, like Hinomaru Zumou's world or something, where the most she'd have to worry about is studying and learning Japanese, maybe supporting a club, no, she had to be reborn in exercise hell.

You know what?

FUCK this shit.

That's right, she'd noping out hard enough to use a actual curse word.

She was just going to breeze through and hopefully be assigned to a job that didn't involve shit tons of laps and push ups and shit, like small farming (she could probably handle that, no pushups needed with wood release, she'd just have to keep it on the down low) or maybe bookkeeping or something (someone has to keep track of what they've got and what they need, might as well be her).

The only things that's good that came out of those exercises was some stat ups in Strength (2 points), Vitality (2 points), and a whopping 5 points in Agility.

It also turned out if she was exercising/practicing with a mentor or teacher, her level limits were ignored, so she also unlocked Running after the first hour of hell. so that's good too she guessed.

Either way, she decided to leave the ninja-wanna-be's to their own business, she was just going to be lazy and do something else. She was still going to make a effort at the exercises, obviously (no need to let free stat points and levels go to waste, and she could use any 'free' techniques she learns from this to do basic self defense, after all), but Kiwa no longer wanted to, or cared, about becoming a ninja. She'd just take Maru and Mom (maybe 'Dad') and ditch this place if it came down to it and live in the middle of nowhere if shit hit the fan.

Anyway, after the exercises was apparently supposed to be sparring, but seeing as Kiwa was doing her best impression of a beached fish, she was pretty much ignored and left to rest for a while, a few overachieving ninja in training snickering when they noticed Kiwa was too tired to participate, thinking she'd find it embarrassing, or that she actually cared about the other kids 'challenge' earlier or what the little snot rags thought.

After that was done and Kiwa stopped feeling the cold embrace of exercise death and actually got off the dirt, the teacher ushered everyone inside.

"Good effort today everyone! I'm already starting to tell where each of your talents lie! Don't worry if you seem untalented in this whole fighting business, every job is important, supporting our protectors from behind will let them fight their best!"

Kiwa tuned out the rest of the ninja speech, talking about how great ninja where and how people shouldn't be disappointed if they turn out not to be one, like CHILDREN should be happy about potentially being sent to DIE. Seriously, Wood dude and Mr. I light people on fire WITH MY EYES need to hurry it up here...wait. How does she know if they even exist yet? Butsuma is still clan head, so Hashi clearly wouldn't be a adult, but she hadn't heard a word about any kids yet, and he sure seemed a lot younger than she remembered him seeming in the manga. It could be possible that they wouldn't be born for years. In that case she could bug out with her family before the defecation really hit the rotor and just wander her ass back in when they've got the village started and offer to help out with whatever job she was trained in for protection.

She was broken from her musing by being suddenly hefted up (wasn't that terrifying, people being able to just pick you up and walk off) by her Mom, who smiled at her. "How was your day, sweetheart? Did you have fun?" She asked, getting a death glare from the adult-turned-baby. "Oh, I'm sure it wasn't THAT bad. Lets go pick up Maru, sweetling."

The girl got carried off by her mother, being taken to some other place (not that she could tell where, everything looked the same here, even most of the people. Stupid NPCs) and ended up in another clearing, watching Maru go at it with her 'father', pretty much zooming around with a axe trying to gut the man, who was using a padded wooden spear to knock Maru around like a punching bag.

All in all, it was pretty impressive, even if Maru wasn't making much headway. They were moving so fast she kept losing them every now and then, bouncing around not just the ground, but the tree trunks and branches as well.

Her mother interrupted (rude, Kiwa wanted to see if her brother could actually get a good chop in on 'father'.) by clapping her hands, causing them to come to a stop. "Alright, let's go eat!" Oh no no no no, Kiwa was going to do her best to daze out for this, be right back after the break.

* * *

After that experience was done, Kiwa was exhausted, nodding off on her mothers shoulder. Even Maru was subdued after Mom healed him up, so her mom bathed them (Kiwa never wanted to see what she saw that time. She can only hope she could forget) and settled them both in their room, Maru on his futon and Kiwa in her prison.

Kiwa, despite her wanted to think some more about whether or not Hashi or Madara existed yet, was just too tuckered out to stay awake long, and pretty much passed out to her brothers quiet snuffles.


	6. It's murder time naughty children!

I wrote a bit more, so I figured I'd publish rather than leaving you guys to stew. I'm still technically on hiatus, I just got blindsided by a load of inspiration out of nowhere.

This chapter is where shit ton of timeskips start happening (to skip boring/repetitive stuff, get to the juicy bits, and to give you guys hell), hope you don't mind (you're probably gonna mind, I'm a asshole)! I pretty much already messed up the plot by chapter 3, so I just threw the rest out the window at this point. Huzzah! Here's hoping you only hate me half as much for age 4 as I hate myself for writing it!

Also, things are gonna brighten back up soonish, so don't worry about Kiwa becoming Duck Hair 2.0.

This is where she starts to get godmodded. Don't worry, she'll still have challenges later, just expect her to, well, have no problem with shinobi from genin to weak/moderate chunin level now unless they bust out bloodline limits.

* * *

1 Year Later, Age: 1 year, 9 months

* * *

It had been one long, grueling year since Kiwa had gotten shoved into training (and promptly decided that she was NOT going to be a ninja, no thanks). Due to her lagging behind physically from her peers, her Mom and Dad (yeah, he grew on her, stupid dork) had started giving her extra training to 'catch up', still convinced that she wanted to be a ninja (no, she still hadn't spoken yet. Honestly at this point she was just saving it until it was actually important for her to speak, which hadn't happened yet, although people checked her out time and again for 'defects' that could be 'causing' this.).

Due to being heaped with ridiculous amounts of exercise, Kiwa had gained 50 points of strength, 50 points in Vitality, and a whopping 206 points in agility. She obviously didn't have anything to compare her stats to, especially since the 'update' on her first birthday that informed her that observation was now permanently locked to plants, food, items, and non-ninja animals, to 'balance things out', which was bull poop, and since she was sandbagging the training at this point, both so she didn't risk hurting any of the other kids and so that she wouldn't get assigned to ninja duty.

She had also maxed out all of the motor control skills from the exercises, giving her pretty good balance and VERY dexterous hands, learned Healing from her Mom, leveled it up enough to use Healing Palm, had learned Basic Weapon Fighting (only using blunt weapons like clubs and such for now), and Basic Hand-to-Hand (which leaned towards throws and joint locks for some reason) from her Dad, finding out that she didn't need to remember any hand seals or think about any movements she had already learned, seems like the 'Gamer' ability remembered it for her.

Anyways, other than that, they had decided to let her train for another year before assigning her a job since she was 'doing badly'. Other than that, boring year.

* * *

2 Years Later, Age: 3 years, 9 months

* * *

This time they had finally 'graduated' her, after putting it off a additional 2 years. At this point they had given up on her being 'ninja material' and assigned her to Smithing, although they had to get permission from Butsuma to keep training her in healing and hand-to-hand (and Kiwa took the chance to embarrass him again, her parents had to swear never to talk about the 'Great Mochi Incident'. Kiwa took the chance to memorize it to retell if she ever decided to talk. Honestly the only reason Buttsuma (yes, he is a butt) didn't punish her at this point was because he thought she was deformed, so she was milking it for all it's worth.).

She already learned the theory of the secret family techniques, although she hadn't a chance to make anything or heal anyone yet (she technically wasn't supposed to learn them since she wasn't a ninja, but Mom didn't give two shits about those rules.).

They also snuck in training in resisting Genjutsu, it's not like Kiwa's gonna tell anyone.

Butsuma's wife was pregnant now, so Hashi was going to be around for her to terrorize soon. Hurray!

Nothing of note happened other than that.

* * *

3 Months Later, Age: 4 years

* * *

Mom and Dad were...gone now. It hurt to think about.

Kiwa didn't know where Maru was, but until she saw his body with her own eyes she won't believe that he was gone too. She always expected her family members to leave her, but...not like this. Not like this.

It was her fault. If she had just tried harder instead of giving up during training, maybe they would have been fine.

Dad died during a mission, she only knew that she and Maru weren't allowed to see the body. It was gruesome, according to Mom. She was barely able to identify him.

Mom seemed to die a little when she found out. Not as cheerful, she just...seemed to fold up into herself, although she still tried for Maru and Kiwa.

Kiwa and Mom got kicked out a little while later, since 'they didn't need to have non-related members in the clan using resources'. Apparently there had been rumors that Kiwa wasn't actually her Dad's kid, and Butsuma believed them since she looked more like Mom (god, she hated that man now). Maru tagged along, although they didn't want to let him go. He snuck away during a mission and caught up to them, and all three fled. Mom said they were heading to her birth family.

Soon after they ran into some people. She didn't know if they were some other clan's members or just really good bandits, but they got the jump on Maru and Mom before anyone noticed.

Mom went out quickly, being the first target. They just...took her head right off. She didn't even get a chance to react.

After that Maru went on the offensive, forgetting Kiwa was there in his rage, just long enough for something to hit the back of her head a few times. She resisted the first blow out of sheer will, not wanting to leave Maru to fend for himself (she could at least be a distraction), but she was still a 4 year old. She could only take so many blows before she blacked out.

When she woke up again, she was inside some sort of box, or barrel. Apparently the people who attacked were selling children to some clan for 'front liners' and she looked 'just the right age' to be trained up.

They didn't get a chance to say much more before Kiwa felt the (wagon? She didn't get the chance to see what was transporting her, only knew it was bumping around) suddenly went into nauseating flips and screaming started. Whatever Kiwa was in ended up in a river of some sorts and got swept away. She nearly drowned when it started leaking, but it bashed on a rock enough for her to squirm out before that happened.

After that, she crawled onto a shore. She didn't know where she was. All she knew was that she needed to get moving.

So she started walking.

* * *

10 Years Later, Age: 14 years

* * *

Kiwa wouldn't have known it was her birthday if the notification didn't go off.

She had kept travelling for a long time, it seemed. Thinking of her family still hurt, but it wasn't like getting her lungs ripped out anymore. She could go a time without remembering what happened to Mom (as long as she didn't sleep. Her dreams didn't have much mercy on her.) or worrying about Maru (she still worried most of the time. Was he alive? Was he happy? Healthy?).

Kiwa had taken to farming in random villages in spring and summer (found out wood release could help grow food plants, although after the first incident she learned to make sure nobody was watching and that she wasn't growing it too fast for it to be 'natural'), smithing a bit to keep upping her skills and make money to buy preserved meats and other things she needed, and taking whatever she preserved from her own harvest when she kept up the hunt in fall and winter. (Huh. Hashi and Madara were probably born already. Good for them.)

She had also finally met her dog, which helped. She had picked him up from someone who didn't want the puppy a few years back. He didn't really have a name- Kiwa just called him Dog in her head.

Kiwa also had a metric ton of birds at this point as well, mostly feral pigeons with a few random kinds mixed in. Why are there so many pigeons? Why would Kiwa know?

She still didn't bother talking. If none of her family got to hear her voice, nobody else would either. (She regretted that. She should have taken the time to talk to them before they were gone. Also probably should have went ahead and become a ninja. Maybe then she could have done something.)

She had gotten much stronger, physically. Between all the traveling (and fending off bandits. Usually by killing them. She hated bandits.), smithing, and farming, she had gotten massive stat points in pretty much everything. Like, holy shit so many stat points. Her stats now are as follows (from her screen directly):

HP: 7000/7000

Chakra: 3000/3000

Strength: 5000 (affects weapons and hand to hand, how much she can lift.)

Vitality: 5700 (affects hp, regeneration.)

Intelligence: 3000 (affects chakra, chakra regen.)

Willpower: 500 (affects chakra control.)

Agility: 6000 (Affects fine motor control, flexibility, and generally how fast she can notice people moving.)

Skills:

Wood release: Grows plants with chakra, level 50 out of 100.

Mud Release: manipulate wet earth, only level 20 out of 100. (she mostly used to to irrigate her crops and make rows. Hey, nobody said she had to use it for fighting,)

Chakra control, level max.

Great Pyreness: calm, smart, strong willed. very fluffy, sheds a lot. Male. Good snuggler.

Bird Partners: Can tame and partner with birds, can gain one more bird for flock every time affection is maxed, plus 5 every 10 levels of Birds of a Feather. Currently has 60. Again, a metric ton of birds.

Chakra Mastery (upgrade from control), level max.

Birds of a Feather: Level 40, grants ability to tame wild birds. Must level up via bird taming, grants additional bird each level, max level 100 (at that point she can have as many birds as she wants. Start a bird apocalypse, why not.).

Animal Communication: Level 30 at start due to heritage. Can communicate okay with dogs and other 'pets'. Gets noticeably better every ten levels, grants new animal type to talk with every 20. starts with Dogs due to Inuzaka mother, Birds due to Birds of a Feather, Cats from level up.

Master Motor Control: Maxed out.

Healing: Level 40, can use Healing Palm very well. (mostly leveled from said bandit fighting. If you can call it a fight at this point.)

Hand-to-Hand: Level max, still prefers chucking people ass over tea kettle.

Weapon Fighting: level max (mostly uses a hammer).

Genjutsu resistance: Level 50 out of 100. (some of those 'bandits' might have been asshole shinobi wanna-be's. She hadn't run into any that were above say, a low chunin's level yet.)

Nonverbal communication: Max. She can read and write very well, and also is a master of charades.

* * *

Again, so many stat points. At this point she had started accidentally ripping people limbs and such off trying to flip them. Also, doors are...difficult to keep on the frame.

All in all, things had been rough. She was still searching for Maru, but hadn't found any leads yet (and certainly wasn't going to ask the Senju after they kicked her out and started all this bullshit. Maybe see about hiring another clan to look for him?).

Anyways, she had just started looking for him again. She had heard small rumors of a Senju wandering around alone in a forested area to the south of where she had spent the spring and summer this year, so that's where she was heading now.


	7. Hark, she speaks!

More timeskips for everyone! I'm pretty much just going to keep this format unless something really needs extending, it's just easier and less stressful.

In other news, we're off hiatus, since apparently inspiration comes at the worst times. Ugh.

Kiwa finally gets it through her thick head that, you know, maybe talking is good for her. Who knew, right?

Let me know if you think my whole telling you her exact age after every timeskip is annoying or not. I just thought it'd help people keep track.

Don't go barefoot outside, people. Think of the glass, needles, snakes, sticks, and insects on the ground that can go after you. Kiwa has magic bullshit, you probably don't.

On all those notes, I really hope that some of you talk to me more often. There's no need to be nervous! Hit me up with any ideas/questions you have, or even just say hi! I'm pretty lonely here everybody.

* * *

1 Month Later, Age: 14 years, 1 month

* * *

It was not Maru she heard about, much to her disappointment. However, instead of moving off on her search again like she normally would, she had...prior obligations to attend to, so she's sticking around the area this time.

"Hey, hey! Come on stranger, talk to us! Don't just stare!" The boy with shaggy hair complained, tugging on her side. "It's rude!"

"Yeah! Come onnnnn, we're friendly, guy!" The bowl headed boy said, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes. "What's your name?"

It turned out the 'lone Senju' wasn't even her age. Hell, she'd consider going 1v1 with grown up War Madara a better (if more physically painful) option rather than get tangled up in this mess. But at this point she couldn't leave without risking bad shit happening to the timeline and/or death (assuming she hadn't already irreparably damaged it already) if either of these kids died or got hurt.

She death glared the bowl haired youth, causing him to...hunch over and start crying?

"Ah, Madara, I made him angry with me! I'm the worst!" The blubbering child said.

"Man up, Hashirama! Don't just start bawling your eyes out every time someone gives you a dirty look!"

Indeed.

She got tangled up with Hashirama and Madara.

They should be around 10 years old at this point, she thought. 4 years younger than her.

She was...a little annoyed at being confused for a guy to be honest, but she couldn't really blame them. She was very tall for her age (probably from- no, she didn't want to think about them), pretty well muscled (from the farming and jolly bandit murdering. It's hard work! Plus side is she had (literally) killer abs and shoulders, which is a hell of a lot more than she could say about her past life's body to be sure), and her...feminine wiles haven't really come in at all. Combined with how often she glared at people for bugging her, yeah, she could say she probably seemed a little boyish for people who are used to girls to spend all days indoors or try to stay super 'girly'.

Thank goodness she at least had great hair (so silky, so smooth, even if it still looked shaggy. Cutting hair by yourself is hard, and no way was she letting someone that close to her neck with a sharp object) and no longer looked like a ghost (turns out she can, in fact tan a little.) although she still was a smidgen too pale for most anyone to assume she worked outdoor very much (she still got sunburn often. She was just used to it at this point.).

How she'd get tangled up with them again?

Ah, right.

So, she came down here to find the Senju, and literally stumbled over Hashirama. Why he was laying in the middle of the grass by a river, Kiwa may never know.

Kiwa, pissed off at the kid for tripping her and making her eat dirt (and herself for not noticing him. She couldn't help it, his chakra felt like plants and she had only learned chakra sensing what, a week before, anyways!) pretty much gave him her most annoyed, 'I'm gonna maim you' death glare, only to make him start crying and her get a rock to the back of her head courtesy of a overprotective Madara (she wouldn't really hurt a kid unless it was that or dying, and she'd think twice before doing anything permanent. She had SOME standards, thanks.).

One thing led to another, and at the end she wound up laying on them to get them to stop trying to attack her pointlessly (it was kinda cute to see them get so frustrated when she'd just move out of the way of everything and when they tried to shove her off after she had already grabbed the ground, she had to admit. Like a newborn lion trying to roar. Made her want to pinch their cheeks, which she did later, much to their annoyance).

After about a hour of them whining and trying to get her off, they finally calmed down enough that she felt fine letting them up. After that they figured that she wouldn't actually hurt them, and now pretty much made a game out of hassling her and trying to make her talk to them whenever she'd show up to make sure the brats didn't end up getting eaten by a bear or something.

Anyways, that's what lead her here, to this moment.

This was going to be a LONG watch.

* * *

5 Months Later, Age: 14 years, 6 months.

* * *

"Is...that a body?" Hashirama said, looking surprise and grossed out.

Kiwa kicked the (now dead) assassin into the bushes and looked around as if to say 'who, me? What are you talking about'. (Kiwa had been taking out hired assassins going after 'the mysterious bandit killer' for weeks now, along with people targeting the two boys. She normally didn't stay in place long enough to make a sizable impact on the bandit population of a area, but now that she was, she had started drawing...attention from larger criminal groups, which also brought a bit of attention to her boys. Thankfully no real ninja's had shown up yet, but at this point...)

"Stranger. I clearly saw a body." Hashirama said, crossing his arms in a scolding manner. Kiwa tapped her foot innocently, sending a small pulse of chakra into the muddy ground around her, the mud swallowing the body in the bushes with a quiet slurping sound that could easily be mistaken for the sound of her foot leaving the mud (thankfully neither of the boys figured out sensing yet, and Hashirama didn't seem to wonder why the ground was muddy when it hadn't rained in days, although she'd have to hope someone corrected that soon).

Kiwa opened the bushes, making a big show of looking for a body.

Hashirama looked in as well, surprised. "What? I could have sworn...sorry Stranger." He said, looking guilty for 'accusing' her.

It was good that neither of them got a clear view of a body after she was done with her fights yet, she thought. Let them preserve what innocence they had left for a little longer.

"Why do you go barefoot everywhere, anyways?" Hashirama asked, looking shifty.

Aw, he was trying to trick her into talking! How adorable.

She looked him dead in the eye and mimed 'Shoes are for the WEAK'. (It was just easier to use wood release and mud release if she was in contact with the ground, and well, why waste time squatting when you can just toughen up your soles with chakra? Plus the mud made her feet and skin super smooth.).

"Um...no? Your feet just get dirty if you do that." He pointed out, to which Kiwa lifted a foot and mud released the mud and grime off her body and shooting it gently into her face and hair, much to his vocal displeasure (she learned that one recently. Now she could just take mud baths to get clean instead of needing clear water. Bonus?).

"What! How did you to that?!" she heard Madara yell in the distance, just coming in sight as she did that.

Kiwa smirks and shrugged. 'I'm guess you can say I'm...smooth.' she mimed, much to their groans. Thankfully her maxed out nonverbal communication made things easy to convey, even to unobservant people like Hashirama.

"Answer the question! Honestly, we don't know anything about you, come on! Let's be friends! Do you have any family? We could talk about something like that first! I have a little brother."

Wait. Family.

Wasn't Hashirama...gosh darn her scatterbrain! She could just ask Hashirama if he knew anyone named Maru, he was a Senju! If Maru went back there eventually, he'd probably know him! She'd have to get him alone later. But for now...she supposed Maru would forgive her, and Mom and Dad would forgive her in Heaven (or wherever they were) if she spoke. Right?

Right?

She'd have to find a temple or something to ask for forgiveness, but if it was to find Maru...Kiwa would do almost anything.

"I..." She got out before she started hacking up a lung. Jeez, that was harder on the throat than she thought it would be! Kiwa discreetly used healing on her throat a bit to relax the cords.

"I have...a older brother. Don't know...where he is. Parents...gone." she managed to get out, voice sounding rough and scratchy, almost annoying from disuse. Geez, that was a weird feeling. How did she not notice how it felt in her past life? Yuck.

Madara and Hashirama pretty much went full sparkle eyes on her when she spoke to them, unknowing that it was the first time she had spoken in this life.

"You CAN speak, Stranger! Hey, what's your name! What's your name!" Madara demanded (gosh, what a cute kid. It was unbelievable with how he turned out in the other life that he was so...enthusiastic at this age.).

Kiwa, shrugged, not bothering to answer.

"Aw, come on! Name!"

"Wait, Madara! You're ignoring important stuff here!"

"Ah? What am I missing, dumbass?"

Hashirama starting crying again. She may have started more trouble than she expected.

Oh well...if it's to make sure her brother is safe...

* * *

6 Months Later, Age: 15 years

* * *

"Go home, twerp." Kiwa said to the white haired boy. "This place is mine now, and I don't like trespassers." She said, lying through her teeth.

"D...don't lie to me! I know my brother passed this way! Let me through!" He yelled at her, causing her to sigh. Kiwa supposed she couldn't prevent this from happening.

"Fine. But I just want you to know..." She was suddenly in his face, giving her best glare. "If you hurt either of my friends...there won't be a body for anyone to find once I find you in a few years." Se whispered, causing the boy to shudder and lurch back from her.

"W-whatever! I'll be stronger than you by then!" He leaped off into the trees, following Hashirama. Kiwa let out a long sigh.

She was going to miss these kids, but it looks like it was time for her to go. Hashirama didn't know anyone by the name of Maru and neither did Madara, and by the looks of it they weren't going to be coming by anymore after tomorrow. She'd just say her goodbyes and leave.

* * *

5 Years Later, Age: 20 years

* * *

"Goodbye, come again~!" Kiwa said, grinning widely as her flock carried a guy off the side of the cliff. "Since you were polite about it, I won't have my darlings drop you. Be grateful."

If you can't tell, things have changed a bit more again. Kiwa had gained even more stats in the past 5 years, some new tricks, and even had some strange things happen that left her a bit...different, than before.

Anyways, back to the now. Kiwa had moved on top of the tallest mountain in the Land of Fire about 4 years ago, mostly to avoid people who were hunting her down (she should have been more careful raiding that bandits base...she accidentally let someone escape after seeing her wood release, rumors started, and well, now she's here), and partially because she found her first dungeon here (she could only really manage about half of it right now, hopefully the loot at the end would be worth all this effort!).

Recently some ninja clans who lived lower on the mountain had started trying to 'recruit' her for fighting, since she had apparently started to be called a 'mountain demon'. She only caused one landslide when dealing with someone trying to kidnap her, had a flock of birds numbering in the thousands to avoid getting lonely (she left her Dog with Hashirama all those years ago with strict orders to protect him the best he could without risking his own life. Might as well make sure that dumb boy didn't die before he and Madara made the village, and...her Dog always seems to like him better than her anyways. She supposed he was just more friendly. She'd rather her dog be happy anyways.), and so what if she grew a bunch of trees to make the mountain better than just a hunk of dirt and stone, these people need to chill out. She wasn't _that_ bad to call her a demon!

Most of the time she responded by chucking rude people off the steeper side of the cliff (she's sure they were fine, and if they weren't, well maybe they should have minded their manners), and having her birds carry people down if they weren't (a few tried to hurt her babies when she did that. Let just say that she made sure everyone knew that she was NOT pleased by that).

Kiwa pretty much just farmed (her darling feather babies brought meat for her now) and trained here, growing steadily stronger while she waited. She knew Hashirama would have to show up eventually, what with the two of them being the only wood release users and the rumor spreading far about her, if only to attempt to get training (she hoped a little that she'd lure Zetsu out by now, but it seems she'd have to hunt him down later and...handle a few problems.).

* * *

1 Year Later, 21 years

* * *

Huh. Kiwa felt...strange, knowing that she was just as old now as she was in her life before.

She was even more unnerved to realize that she wasn't only forgetting what her first life was like, horrified to know she already forgot the sound of her mother, father, and sister from before. She had even forgotten the exact details of her death, only that it involved a slip and her dying quickly.

And if realizing all of those things weren't bad enough, her vision had started going...odd in the past year.

First it was just a ever so slight blurring in her right eye, fading in and out, easily brushed off. But in the last three months or so she had started reacting less and less to anything moving on that side, almost costing her injury when she was exploring the dungeon or fighting rude people who bothered her and wouldn't take no for an answer, causing her to put off the last level and start grinding her other sensory abilities seriously. She didn't know what was wrong with it, she used her healing ability and everything SHOULD be working fine.

She could only hope that whatever it was, it would stop at her eye.

In other, better news (no, Kiwa didn't want to cry from the above. She needed to keep pushing through and distract herself, or she might not be able to start again), she had finally given in, and instead of the ramshackle wooden abode she had thrown together before (it kept getting burned down. What was people in this area using fire jutsu so much? Diversification is key to survival people!) she had used her mud release and wood release to carefully set up a sort of hut, using the wood on the inside, only her best wood of course. Wouldn't want any guests (not that she'd had any yet) to get splinters walking around indoors, and then covering it with a thick layer of smooth mud to keep in heat/cold and help prevent her having to rebuild again.

Kiwa even set up a better forge (hey, smithing was taught to her by two of her most precious people in this life, she wasn't going to stop) and made herself a wonderful 'battle hammer (it was really just a really heavy, oversize ball-peen hammer, but shush), handle made of the densest red oak she could grow (she couldn't find any harder woods, but it did it's job), the head made of...actually she didn't know what this metal was called, she had found it in the dungeon, her status menu only called it 'Dungeon Wall' and mixed it with another thing she found in the dungeon, 'Lord's Water Alloy', but it did it's job well.

She may also have a surplus of assorted items since she didn't really need to trade often anymore.

All in all, things were going a bit wonky, but she'd figure things out.


	8. In which the girl fights

Hi everyone! So, I honestly have no idea what I was doing writing a little end of action-ish scene and I'm not too comfortable with how it turned out, but it was a reasonable request, I'm just hoping it turned out alright and you all enjoy it. I also decided to kick things up a notch, powerwise, so by now Kiwa is well on her way to Jonin in most skills, and'll be heading for Kage level (time period-wise) soon. So here you go!

This was Beta'd by ricsi0309!

* * *

1 Year Later, Age: 22 years

* * *

Kiwa darted backwards when the over-sized reptile (looking like a unholy combination of newt/salamander/dragon and standing about three times her height) suddenly breathed fire at her, barely dodging even with her speed.

What was she doing here?

She had finally trained up her other sensory abilities (hearing, touch, smell, even taste. Why taste and not sight? Never know what you might run into in the future, might as well, and apparently she was barred from training sight abilities) to compensate for her right eye (it had finally stabilized, leaving her able to see at about half the distance of the other, but having to focus to really process anything from it, causing her to occasionally run into walls until she maxed out her hearing ability and just left it on all the time. Great for increasing chakra reserves.), and started challenging the last floor of the dungeon, making sure to take it slowly and carefully.

She eventually made her way through the level over the course of a weeks excursion (and she was pretty grateful that mini-bosses only respawned if she toggled it at the entrance after she cleared them), and now was up against the final boss, which was proving to be...difficult.

For 6 months now she had repeatedly gone against this same boss, but it just kept adapting to be resistance to her attacks. In the beginning, it was only immune to her hammer blows and had a massive hp pool, but now it resisted her wood, mud, even her jutsu and few genjutsu skills she had. Thankfully, the pool seemed to get smaller every time it adapted, not that it would help this time.

She brought a secret weapon this time.

Explosives.

That's right.

A metric ton of the highest quality explosive tags and encapsulated explosive powders grinding lower levels of the dungeon could buy her (metaphorically, she wasn't really spending anything other than time and chakra). Enough to probably send her mountain sky high if she used them outside.

She had tried to learn how to make paper tags herself, but with no one willing to teach her she wasn't willing to risk losing fingers or making weird, dangerous shit trying on her own.

Kiwa had been spreading it out throughout the battle so far, buried under a combination of mud and wood shards to protect them a little from the attacks of the beast, along with nails and other bits and pieces of sharp objects, ready to be primed and blown the moment she was done, which would be very soon now.

She rolled under a swish of it's tail as she planted the last set of explosive tags and capsules, and bolted away towards the little burrow she had set up at the very beginning of the fight, jumping in and closing the opening after her, hoping the layers of mud would protect her from the soon to be explosion.

She launched removed the mud from on top of the tags once she was done, and used a pulse of chakra to set them off, causing a absolutely deafening roar as they ignited the powders and wood shards, most likely sending the nails and sharp bits flying about to hopefully injure the reptile as well.

About ten minutes, and the explosions showing no sign of stopping, Kiwa started to think that, perhaps, she should have used less. She already had to dig herself deeper to avoid the worst of the heat. Well, too late now, hindsight is 20/20.

* * *

1 Hour Later

* * *

The explosion had FINALLY stopped, after Kiwa started to really worry about suffocation. Good news is that she had jarred air in her inventory 'just in case' (hey, you never know what kind of situation you can get into), so she did not, in fact, suffocate. Now to check on the damage.

She popped her head out of her hole, only to see that DAMN LIZARD STILL MOVING.

Seriously, what the fuck?!

You know what? FUCK this goddamned boss, she isn't retreating again. Kiwa pulls her hammer out of her inventory as she climbs out. Thankfully, it seemed that the explosions did do a lot of damage and pulled off the armored scales in some places. Hopefully that would leave it at least a little weak to having the shit beat out of it.

Now to tighten her belt and get into it.

* * *

1 Day Later

* * *

After a grueling, day long battle, Kiwa had finally, FINALLY, knocked the boss of it's mortal coil.

The girl (or was it woman, now? no matter) flopped in a exhausted heap on the ground, huffing as she waited for the battle to 'officially' end (sometimes it took a few minutes, no idea why). Ah, there was the ding!

She opened her eyes...only to see a blank, white space?! What the hell?! Did the thing glitch out or something?!

She hears a cough behind her and whips around to see a super old dude with small horns floating about 2 feet off the ground. Kiwa, assuming he'd be a enemy, backhands him in the face, much to both her and his surprise, hers because her hand went right through him, him probably because she just tried to slap him silly.

They blink at each other for a few moments before the old dude speaks.

"I am the Sage of Six Paths! I've been waiting for you for years now, ever since you slipped through this realm on you way to being reborn and I gave you some chakra, at a strange beings request. I have gifts given to me by this being for whenever you finished your first dungeon. The first will be a skill, the second something to make obtaining things a tad easier, and then a potential deal. Choose your fate!"

Kiwa had to admit, she expected him to be a bit...different. Maybe this was just a copy? Oh well, whatever. "What are my options?"

Three cards appeared in front of her.

The first one showed what looked like a land of snow as far as the eye could see. "Your first choice is the Ice Lord, granting you the ability to cause small snowstorms, an immunity to the cold, and, if you didn't already have it, water release."

Kiwa mentally dismissed that option. She needed her mud to be wet, not frozen, and (most) of her plants don't do well in the cold, which would take out two out of three of her main attack options.

The second one was a wave of fire and bones. "Your second choice is the Heart Of Flames, granting you the ability to summon flame copies of anyone you personally killed, immunity to natural heat, and fire release."

Kiwa considered that one.

The last is strange, just empty and black, but somehow comforting all the once. "Your last choice is The Void Star, granting you the ability to see in the dark, heightened resistance, but not perfect immunity, to any purely chakra based attacks such as genjutsu or anything involving shadows, and the ability to call upon the Void to erase your presence for up to 5 minutes as if you had disappeared from this world, longer with training. This one, will, however, can also make some bloodline limits go a bit...wonky. Nothing inherently bad, just unexpected."

Kiwa thought over the last two options. Both would be useful, but which one would work with her skill set more?

The first one was straightforward, but with Edo Tensei going around eventually and that fact she already knew how to potentially train a fire affinity, it's skills could be obtained in another way, whereas the second option she was considering she had no idea how to replicate, and having 'unexpected' ability with her bloodlines could be useful, so she choose it.

"Very well, the Void Star is yours! Hold still, please." He (it? She didn't think this was the real sage of six paths, but perhaps he changed in the next hundred years or so) said before the card launched itself into her chest, leaving her feel...odd. Not quite solid anymore, but still there.

"Now, since you FINALLY completed your first dungeon, you really do take a while to find things, you get to unlock new menu options! These menus include a Skill shop, which should be obvious, trade money of any form for skill books that would be difficult to impossible to obtain otherwise, a Barter shop, where you can trade any items you have for money or something else of similar value, like trading a large amount of cloth for a set of clothing or such, and, last but certainly not least, a Class and Title menu! Here you can unlock classes to give you stat and skill boosts with certain feats, and guides to unlocking more classes!"

Kiwa was thrilled! Finally, a use for all the spare money and stuff she was storing (she might have a wee bit of a problem letting things go unless she was getting something for it. She wasn't a hoarder, shut up.). Plus, classes could be useful (she was wondering why she never got anything along those lines), although she never noticed any of the 'bonuses' she was promised for anything - she'd just have to assume they were passive or something.

"Now, for the deal. The thing that sent you here made a little, itty bitty mistake and gave you a option they'd rather you not have and use. The Save menu. Instead of just taking it away and giving you nothing, since they were forced to make a deal with another entity a while ago that prevents them from taking it away by force, although they can and will disable it so it'll be useless to you anyways, it will give you the option to trade it for the choice of one more elemental affinity, maxed of course like your original ones, but without the cons actually affecting you any, the option to choose ANY bloodline limit using any of your affinities, including some that none in this universe should have access to, and remove any possible mix ups and the original halved chakra. No bullshit eye jutsu though. All and all you're getting a much, much better deal. Does this sound acceptable?"

...She had a save menu? Never mind that, she never used it and at this point she wasn't going to be able to, she might as well get something from it, although the whole 'bloodline limits none in this universe should have' confused her. She agreed.

The old menu (god, it seemed like forever ago that she saw this) appeared, looking the exact same as it did all those years ago, just without the water and earth options.

* * *

Fire; I have a _burning_ question for you! Pros: You'll always be able to warm yourself up or start a fire to cook with! Cons: You may light things you don't want on fire if you aren't careful. You are not fireproof at all, so that includes yourself.

Wind; How exactly does someone paint with it? Pros: Control the very air itself! Awesome cutting attacks are yours for the making! Cons: You might get a bunch of cuts. Wind natured attacks are difficult to learn and control.

Lightning; I'm sure you must be very _shocked_! Pros: Manipulate lightning! You'll be able to avoid being struck by natural lightning (even though that's super rare, so it's not much of a perk, is it?). Cons: You may electrocute yourself. You'll pretty always be giving people you touch static shocks.

Yin; I'm sure you don't _mind_ all these puns, right? Pros: Use your brain power to fight! Bonuses to Genjutsu skills! Cons: Unless you also have Yang release, your physical skills will most likely be weaker.

Yang; You'll always be _armed_! Pros: You'll gain muscle and affect your body with skills more easily! Bonuses to Taijutsu and Healing skills! Cons: Unless you keep up with stretching exercises, your muscles may make you too stiff and have both slow reaction times and lower flexibility. I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how bad that can be.

* * *

She ignored the cons this time since it was made clear they wouldn't affect her. Now, what could Kiwa use the most? She didn't really remember many of the bloodline combos anymore, so she picked a option she thought she could use with her mud and water jutsu and wouldn't get in the way of her wood, Lightning. It would give her some much needed variety. The simplified bloodline menu popped up.

* * *

Pick up to two.

Storm release: Lightning and Water. Create storms! Thunderstorms, rainstorms, if you somehow obtain wind release and level it high enough you can also cause tornadoes and fog!

Explosion release: Lightning and Earth. Should be obvious, blow things the heck up.

Acid release: Lightning, Earth, and Water. Melt things down, or mix them with poisons to make them even more nasty.

* * *

This one was going to be the hardest choice, all of them were useful.

Storm release just in general, being able to make storms was useful for more than just fighting.

Explosion release would just be fun and useful, maybe not mundanely but if she ever had to make a final stand...

Acid was the same as Explosion, with the bonus to making her hard to trap.

Kiwa started thinking for a while, before settling on picking randomly. She ended up with Explosion Release and Acid Release. Should be fun, even if she had to level them up fast. Just imagine anyone's face when they find out she had 4 bloodline limits, ha! It almost made her feel like a cheater.

Almost. That would require her to give half a shit about playing fair.

"Alright, there you go, all set up! Now GET THE FUCK OUT."

What the hell crawled up his ass and died all of the sudden?

Kiwa felt like she got backhanded back into her body, outside of the dungeon now, just laying on the ground.

That was...interesting. But she had shops to get to.

* * *

1 Day Later, Age: It's literally been a day, she's still 22

* * *

Kiwa was, officially, broke. She pretty much sold off everything she owned (and many things she didn't. That ninja clan from down the mountain that kept bugging her were probably going to notice that she robbed them blind (she left the food though. She wasn't a total savage). Oh well, she was leaving today anyways since the dungeon was gone). She even used up all of her chakra growing things to sell off as well, and sold her house and forge via the menu (she was sad to see them vanish, but she needed to leave anyways).

In return for her years of 'saving' (she originally had ryo and gold for days and days), Kiwa unlocked ALL of the chakra releases. All of them. The 4 she didn't have already cost her a tune of 44000000 ryo. In other words, it cost her a shit ton and she was lucky so many quests over the years gave (useless until now) money and the ryo drop in the dungeon were so high.

What can she say? She's likes to have variety, and once she found out the Skills menu sold affinity to the tune of 11 million ryo a pop, she couldn't say no without trying. The only stuff she had now was the clothes on her back and her hammer, but she can replace those later. For now, it's time to leave, quickly.


	9. Surprise, you've been stabbed!

Same Day, Nighttime

* * *

Kiwa was, at the moment, seriously regretting her choice to rob people in her excitement, what with the fact she currently had a deep gash going from her right collarbone to her left thigh that was about two inches wide, she thought she saw bone in a few places, definitely saw muscle in most, and her skin felt 'loose', but she quickly stopped thinking about that she she could focus on blocking out the pain, along with assorted burns of varying degrees, and no chakra left to heal herself with. She thankfully 'picked up' some stitches, bandages, and medical supplies when she returned the favor to the veritable swarm of angry ninja who found her, so at least she was probably not going to bleed to death before her chakra regenerates, she had no defenses left if anyone else came for her head right now though. The gash at least, was definitely going to scar (the only way to prevent that was to heal it immediately after for wounds of that size, her system 'helpfully' informed her).

Kiwa surveyed the carnage.

The 'clearing' she was in (that wasn't there before she started throwing explosions around like it was a firework festival, since she didn't have time to use her wood or mud release and explosions were faster to gear up) was littered with dead bodies and covered in blood in most places, the smell already attracting some of her birds to start eating (which grossed her out a little, but hey, birds gotta eat what they've gotta eat). The ground was covered in deep grooves (swordsman, same person who surprised her and gave her the gash) and holes (Kiwa and her explosions). There was a fires burning in places around the clearing that probably should be put out soon. All and all, it looked like a scene straight out of hell.

She heard a twig snap to her left and whipped her head around to look at the source of the noise, only to see a dark haired, pale skinned boy with what had to be the most fluffy hair she'd ever seen, he looked around 16, though she couldn't be sure of their age without asking.

He quickly put his hands up in a 'peaceful' gesture. "Whoa, I don't want to fight! I just heard a lot of sound and came to check things out. Did you do...this?" He asked, looking around at the gore, looking both grossed out and a little impressed.

"We may have had a few...mild disagreements that came to a head recently." She said diplomatically, shrugging for a moment before stopping with a soft hiss of pain. "Why, they your friends?" She asked, trying to seem threatening, even though anyone who knew anything probably could tell she wasn't in any shape to fight.

"Not at all! We've also had...disagreements, although...not quite to this degree. Are you here with friends or...?" he asked, probing her for information.

She snorted. "I haven't been with friends in almost a decade, unless you count birds." She said. Might as well be honest, no idea how good they might be at telling lies or if'd piss them off if they did lie.

He seemed to brighten up a little. "Would you like to come with me, then? Me and my family set up camp a short ways away, and would love some added eyes keeping watch. 'Enemy of my enemy is my friend' and all that." He offered.

Kiwa looked him over carefully, before just giving in. "Oh, alright. You'll have to help me up though, I'm not exactly in running condition." She said, only to be taken off gaurd when the kid practically teleported to her and slung her on his back 'carefully'. It still hurt though.

"Great! Let's go!" He said, practically bolting off, much to her (vocal) displeasure, which he laughed off.

After about ten minutes of him sprinting off into the night, they arrived at a small camp, one person on guard and three around the campfire, one of which had his back to her while he mended his shirt (unless other girls started going shirtless around here, which would be pleasant news to her. It was just too hot to bother with clothing in the summer, which startled more than a few 'guests' before).

All of them had a rather striking resemblance to the boy.

"Brother! I brought a guest who already took care of our job!" He said, plopping her down on a (rather soft) blanket that was spread out next to the fire, a little behind the mending dude, who quickly turned around. He seemed...familiar, somehow, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"Oh? Someone who could take on that many ninja and survive is more than welcome here, as long as they're friendly." He rumbled out. "You are friendly, right?" He questioned, a bit of threat in his voice.

Kiwa laughed. "Oh, of course, the friendliest person in leagues of here, provided you aren't trying to kill me off." she said, joking slightly.

He nodded. "Very well then, we'd be more than happy to give you medical attention. What is your name, man?"

she had a moment of relief mixed with panic. Okay, so they didn't know she was a girl. Best keep it that way so that they'd be more respectful (some clans out here were downright barbaric (she normally would start fucking with clans in this case, if they wanted to be a asshole to people she can show them who the biggest asshole was), others more equal in their treatment of women, and she didn't know which way these guys would swing. Thank god she was mostly flat and her shirt still covered what little breast she did have).

"Nah, no need for medical stuff, I'll be fine in about a couple minutes when I get my chakra back up. My name is...not important." She said, not wanting to tell them her name but also not wanting to lie. She was pretty thankful that her chakra regens so fast though, very useful.

"I suppose it's fair not to wish to give your name to strangers when you're alone, stranger. My name is Madarame. This is Izune, my brother, and our...friends. Are you a medic?" He said, making the familiar feeling spike again, and she finally put her finger on it.

"Madara?! Man, it's been so long I didn't recognize you! This must be Izuna then! Oh, I've heard so much about you! Are you still having bathroom problems? No, it's been long enough that you've probably outgrown that!" She said, very pleased to see her friend again, trying to sit up with a grunt. The men quickly stiffened up when she said his name, although Izuna looked horribly red faced and embarrassed.

"How do you know our names?" Madara asked, pulling a knife (yes yes, she knows they're supposed to be called Kunai or whatever, but she's calling them like she sees 'em and they're basically knives.) and sounding hostile. Oh. Right, he probably won't recognize her. Thank goodness they never believed her when she told them they were a girl though, it would make it easier to believe her now.

"It's me! Stranger! You know, we met up all the time by a river with our other friend around 8 years ago, I think, although I didn't speak much then. You didn't forget me...right?" she said, a little doubtful at the end. It would hurt a lot if either of them forgot her.

Madara's eyes widened in surprise (it was nice to see that he still wasn't the serious dunce she vaguely remembered from the second part of Naruto). "What, really?! Ha! Today is a good day!" He said, smiling. Izuna squawked.

"You told someone about my problems back then?! Brother, how could you?! Argh, I can never live this down!" He interuppted, bright red and indignant.

"Now now, kiddo, I'm sure your brother only had the best intentions. Besides, I'd want to ask someone for advice too if my brother was that old and still had problems holding it until he could make it to the bathroom." Kiwa teased. Izuna turned even redder.

"Don't talk about that here! In front of everybody!" He screamed. "Brother, help me!"

Madara was too busy cracking up at Kiwas teasing to do much of anything for a few moments. Seeing him so happy warmed her heart. "S-stranger, while turning my brother into a tomato is fun, please try not to embarrass him too much in front of our men, please." What a good kid. She just wanted to pinch his cheeks. Maybe later.

In other news, her chakra was back up enough for her to start healing up her wounds, which she proceeded to do, directing chakra through her system to her wounds, causing things to get real quiet all of a sudden as they boggled at her. She lifted a eyebrow at them. "What, never seen someone heal before?" She joked, hoping to lighten things up.

"Sorry it's just that, well...we've never really met someone who could heal without using their hands before." Izuna said. Kiwa started at that.

"What, really?" Wasn't Hashirama able to do that in the manga, or was she remembering wrong? Maybe he hadn't gotten that far in his training. Madara cleared his throat.

"You know, if you don't have a clan to return to, we would be more than happy to have you join us." He offered. "Medics are always in high demand."

"Nah, I'd rather not get dragged into a war at the moment, no offense. I'll heal someone if I like them and happen to come across them or if they're a kid, but I'd like to stay a neutral party." She said. Her wounds were already healed enough that she could make a break for it if needed, but she hoped it wouldn't come to that.

"But you already started fighting with the Ito clan?" He pointed out questioningly.

"That's because I got greedy and impatient and robbed them blind earlier today." She said, causing them to get startled, again. "On that note, I should be off. Thanks for taking me here to meet Madara, Izuna. Bye-bye!" She said, before a wind came though and she ended up flashing them, which cause Izuna to almost faint and Madara of all people to turn as red as fire. Shit, guess they knew she was a girl now. Although, she had no idea why they were going so red, she didn't have much more chest than Madara at this point (yes, she was flat. Did she have a problem with that? No. It was more convenient than anything. Less painful to run, certainly.) and he was shirtless too. People sure are weird sometimes.

"Y-y-you're a girl! You're a girl?!" He said, looking like someone just slapped him in the face with their underwear instead of gloves and invited him to dinner at a cannibals house the same time. "How?! Why?!"

"Well, for the how, the answer is probably that my parents had a shit ton of sex." She said, to the surprised gasps at her language and Izuna turning red yet again (Seriously, at this point she was worrying about the kids blood pressure). "Why, I don't know. Chance, I supposed. Goodbye!" She said, bolting off into the woods.

She was horribly embarrassed that her friend found out she was a girl via flashing, but he had to find out eventually, she supposed. she heard shouting behind her, most along the lines of them not wanting to let a girl run off into the woods at night alone, which she ignored, running faster.

* * *

1 Month Later Age: 22

* * *

It took Kiwa a full month to escape Madara and the clan she robbed (don't get her wrong, Madara was still her friend and all, but she didn't want to get tied down in one place right now, especially not with him and Hashirama still fighting each other), and she finally got back on track to finding Maru.

She had heard more rumors that sounded promising, this time to the northwest of her (old) mountain, and had headed back that way. Now she was scouting out the area. Not much else to say.


	10. Stats and other stuff

So, I figured I'd give you all a updated skill levels interlude. for power levels right now, she's a little over 2/3rds the way of matching 4th war Hashirama and Madara, but is currently still stronger than them both, but a little weaker than the current Uchiha and Senju clan heads by virtue of her being relatively inexperienced with ninja to ninja warfare.

Stats:

HP: 17000/17000

Chakra: 20000/20000 (Is higher than health now because of the halving removal0

Strength: 10000 (affects weapons, how much she can lift, and movement speed)

Vitality: 8000 (affects hp, regeneration.)

Intelligence: 10000 (affects chakra, chakra regen.)

Willpower: 5000 (affects chakra control.)

Agility: 7000 (Affects fine motor control, flexibility, reflexes, and generally how fast you can notice people moving.)

Skills:

Wood Release: Grows plants with chakra, maxed

Mud Release: manipulate wet earth, maxed

Explosion Release: make things go boom, level 20

Acid Release: Melt things down/poison them, level 15

Chakra control, level max.

Great Pyreness: calm, smart, strong willed. very fluffy, sheds a lot. Male. Currently loaned out

Bird Partners: Can tame and partner with birds, can gain one more bird for flock every time affection is maxed, plus 5 every 10 levels of Birds of a Feather. Currently has 120. A metric ton of birds.

Chakra Mastery (upgrade from control), level max.

Birds of a Feather: Level maxed, grants ability to tame wild birds. Must level up via bird taming, grants additional bird each level, max level 100 (at that point she can have as many birds as she wants. Start a bird apocalypse, why not.).

Animal Communication: Level 60. Can communicate okay with dogs and other 'pets'. Gets noticeably better every ten levels, grants new animal type to talk with every 20, and also from special quests. starts with Dogs due to Inuzaka mother, Birds due to Birds of a Feather, Cats, Ursidae, Cervidae from level up.

Master Motor Control: Maxed out.

Healing: Level 80, can use most healing arts well enough, doesn't need hands to heal.

Hand-to-Hand: Level max, expanded out from throws at this point.

Weapon Fighting: level max (mostly uses a hammer).

Genjutsu resistance: Level 60 out of 100.

Nonverbal communication: Max. She can read and write very well, and also is a master of charades.

Void Heart: Level 5, can stay 'erased' for 5 minutes, 1 minute added per level, effectively infinite at max level. Very uncomfortable to use, every time used has a chance for bloodline 'warping' (will be mentioned later in fic, kiwa doesn't understand what it means yet.).

Chakra types unlocked: All of them except sage.

* * *

I'd also like to address some more aggressive guest reviews that I got recently.

1st. Her naming thing wasn't supposed to be that painful if she was a normal kid- her parent's weren't 'torturing her with the clan heads permission'-they genuinly didn't know that it was worse because Kiwa didn't tell them. At worst it was supposed to feel like a couple bug bites, Kiwa just had weird chakra due to her bloodlines and reincarnation and it made it react much worse than it should have been.

2nd. Yes, her parents thought she was a bit loony. Yes, they still loved her, and there's nothing wrong with loving your kid if they're a bit crazy, please don't leave reviews saying they shouldn't again.

3rd. Her backstory isn't really a backstory, and her origin wasn't realistic, and it sucks, I know. I'm not a good writer and I've made that very clear many times in this fic. It's to set things up as wonky and make it clear that Kiwa wasn't thinking about long term consequences (and she still only thinks of them marginally), and I'm sorry for not making that clear enough, but she isn't and will never be like Sasuke, since this is still a bit of a comedy at the beginning. I'd be alright if you gave me suggestions to fix it, but throwing out insults like that isn't going to help me make it something you enjoy reading and doesn't help anyone improve.

4th. She IS a child at that point, even with adult memories, so of course she's going to act childish. Biology is still a thing, even with reincarnation and gamer abilities.

5th. At the beginning Kiwa was still bogged down a little with guilt for leaving her 'first family' and adapting to both her gamer abilities and a new culture, combined with her toddler biology so yes, she did choose the second, more 'safe' option of flunking her ninja training on purpose and didn't much want to talk to anyone at that point. She literally lost everything she ever cared about or knew, even if she tried to make light of it. Also, those skill caps were going to be there regardless of whether she talked or not until she was 5, Kiwa could literally give less than a flaming shit about her growth at that point, and I chose to have her not talk. That may not have been the best option or even the most well liked option, but it's the option I thought would be the most realistic for her to choose personality wise.

6th. I know I'm a shitty person, I know my writing needs more work that a busted sewer line, and I know Kiwa isn't too realistic and is also a asshole, and you can point those out all you want, but please don't insult people who are trying to help me improve or the people who enjoy what I'm writing.

7th. I can make Kiwa as flat and 'ungirly' as I want, and yes, not everyone enjoys it when a character doesn't meet their expectations physically, but women do in fact have bodies like Kiwa's and they deserve to be represented too, even if you personally prefer women with less muscle and bigger busts.

* * *

On a lighter note, I would like to thank everyone who's been reading Falling Tides, and everybody who's been helping me learn to write better. I honestly would never have written so much if you all weren't supporting me, and I hope that I keep getting better and that you all keep enjoying this fic.


	11. Go away, Butsuma

You thought you were free from random short updates, but it was me! A exceedingly ill writer on enough medicine to murder a horse! I'm probably going to regret this later, but it's too late now!

Also, Kiwa might think scars are cool, but they are not for the seekings. Do not do the ouch to mimic her, please. I like you all as you are (unless you start talking shit, then I'm gonna be so disappointed in you. You're better than this.)

* * *

1 Week Later, Age: 22

* * *

"For the love of EVERYTHING good in this world, Hashirama, if you don't tell me what you know about Maru, I will beat you until your almost dead, heal you, and start again!"

"Hey! Don't talk to my brother like that!"

"Shut the FUCK up, pasty hate boy."

"Stranger! There's no need to get so angry, I'm just trying to keep him safe, you know? I can't confirm that you're really his sibling and not just out to kill him!"

If you couldn't tell, Kiwa was VERY displeased at the moment. She had actually met Hashirama and his angry albino of a brother (like seriously, dude needs to get some therapy or something, being so grumpy all the time can't be good for him) a week ago, and after pestering Hashirama for information (dude was getting better at lying, but she could still use her sensing to figure out that her questions were making him nervous), he had finally admitting to meeting someone named Maru who matched the rumors description.

Why is she pissed off then?

Because neither of these sacks of shit would tell her where he was, or even what he was doing, and she just couldn't seem to pick up his trail. She'd been pestering him nonstop for days now, and was seriously starting to consider some extreme solutions to finding Maru, like throwing random bombs around and trashing everything she can to draw out as many ninja as she could and hoping he came.

"Then just tell him his sibling is looking for him!"

"But what if you follow me?!"

"For the love of...! Fine! I'll just worry about my brother for another few decades cause the guy I thought was one of my very few FRIENDS can't have even the tiniest bit of FAITH in me!"

"Oh, don't be like that, Stranger! I want to help, I do!"

"Then at least throw me a bone here!"

"I told you I can't!"

"Fine, I'll just go for a nice, slow walk through the nearby village to calm down, Hashirama. By which I mean I'm going to BLOW IT TO THE FUCKING SKY!"

"Stranger!"

"Fine! I'll tell you!" Tobirama butted in. "Father took him into the clan and he's fighting 10 days to the east!"

Kiwa froze.

"So. You're telling me, that this WHOLE TIME, my BROTHER HAS BEEN ON THE FRONTLINE OF YOUR STUPID CLANS FUCKING GRUDGE AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?! I swear, if he's hurt, I'll NEVER forgive you Hashirama. NEVER." She snarled out, turning and immediately sprinting to the east.

They tried to follow her, but were quickly left in the dust (that Strength was coming in use, although she was a bit confused on why it affected movement speed when normally that'd be reserved for agility).

* * *

6 Days Later, Age: 22

* * *

Kiwa finally found the front Tobirama told her about, and looked over the area. It sort of reminded her of what happened in that clearing, just very spread out. It appeared that both clans were retreating for now, and the girl followed the mostly brown and tan mob heading back the way she came, looking for anyone even vaguely familiar.

Kiwa, too focused on scanning the crowd, didn't notice the man behind her until he had a knife to her throat. She carefully put her hands up. "Whoa, whoa, let's talk before you kill me, okay?"

"Who are you and what are you doing following the Senju?" A gruff voice asked.

"I'm just looking for my brother. His name is Maru. Have you met him?" She asked. Hopefully the dude wasn't a enemy of him.

The knife was immediately removed from her throat. "What...?"

She whipped around, using his moment of confusion to shove him into a tree and put her own knife to his diaphragm. The man was even taller than her (which was surprising, she hadn't met anyone even close to her 6 feet 9 inches of height yet, and this dude was actually almost 7 feet tall) and built like a lumberjack, which made her look even smaller when she compared them, but had a soft looking face.

"Whoa! Kiwa, it's me! Don't kill me, I've been looking for you forever!" The guy yelled, putting his hands up.

"Maru...?" She said, loosing her grip on her knife. "Really...? I-it's really you?" She said, tearing up a little bit. "You've grown so much, how dare you be taller than me!" She said, joking a little.

"I've grown? Look at you! Last time I saw you, you were tiny! Now you look like you can pick a guy up and snap him over your knee like a twig!" He said, grinning his head off, also teary eyed.

She sniffled. "I prefer ripping bits off, but I probably could!" She said, taking a step closer and hesitantly opening her arms.

Her brother gave her what would normally be a bone crushing hug if she wasn't so sturdy, lifting her off her feet. "I'm never letting you out of my sight again!" He said, crying on her.

"Uhh..." They heard a confused sound from their left and both of them whipped their heads around to look at the clan head, Butsuma (that bastard). "Do you...know this young man?" He asked, making it clear he only saw the tail end of the reunion.

"Fuck you, Butsuma." Kiwa said, giving him a pissed off look. "Let me go so I can slap his memory back into him!" She said, squirming against her brothers hold, not wanting to hurt him by ripping free like she normally would.

"Wha- Kiwa! You can't threaten someone you barely know!"

"Barely know, huh? Have I told you about the time I caught him-"

"Silence!" The clan head (of douches and canoes) yelled out. "Who are you to dare speaking to me in this manner?!" Maru dropped her, picking up on the bad vibes between them.

"Listen, Kiwa, I've already made up with him so you don't need to-"

"I'm the kid you kicked out over a few rumors 18 years ago! And you may have forgiven him- we really need to talk about that by the way- but I'm not forgiving him until he gives me those years, and Mom, back!" She snapped out.

"If you are a part of my clan-"

"Your clan? YOUR clan? You can't own a fucking clan, you cow shit disguised as a-" Kiwa's mouth quickly got covered by her brother.

"I'm so sorry, sir! My sister hasn't been socialized, you see, and-"

"ENOUGH! I will not stand here and be insulted by a defected bastard child!" He said, striding over and moving to hit her.

Kiwa grabbed his arm full force, bruises rapidly forming, and his startled grunt of pain. He looked shocked.

"We'll see who's defective when I shove a explosion so far up your ass your grandfather get a headache!" She snapped out, swiping at him.

* * *

12 Days Later

* * *

Maru all but dragged a exhausted Kiwa behind him into a cave. It was a bit odd that the members following them stopped so soon after what she did to the clan head, but she wasn't one to turn down a blessing.

"I can't believe you did that!"

Kiwa groaned, still healing her wounds as best she could, even after so much time. Butsuma was far more sly than she gave him credit for, so he escaped with his life, this time. She needs to get stronger. If it wasn't for Maru's quick thinking, they'd both be dead now (it was adorable how he tried to back her up, even if he was...a tad bit weaker than her. At least he was fast, right?). Actually, she was pretty good the fucker was at least maimed now, if not worse, unless he had healers on her level. Anyways, she probably is gonna look badass with these.

"I'd have killed the fucker if I could've." She responded.

"Okay, first off, MAYBE you shouldn't have picked a fight with him so close to so many people who are loyal him, second off, we need to talk about the people you've been hanging around, THIRD, where did you learn to use Wood Release?!"

"You're right on the first, I probably could have handled that better. As for the second one, you'll have to speak to all the bandits I've horribly murdered for my potty mouth," Her brother gasped at the mention of bandits, looking worried (to be fair, if he started mentioning going after bandits, she'd worry for him. He probably should save his worry for someone else though, hadn't she already proven her strength to him?). "Third, I went on a long walk."

"A long walk can't explain a bloodline limit, Kiwa! Hashirama's the first person in a century to have it, and we don't even have it in our direct bloodline cause our branch split off before that person was around!"

"I asked a fairy REAL nicely."

"Kiwa!"

"I did the do with a tree and it rewarded my mad skills."

" _Kiwa!_ You shouldn't be talking about adult things!"

"I'm _22,_ Maru! I'm more than old enough to get laid if I wanted to!" She responded, his face morphing in horror, protectiveness, and embarrassment.

"Who! Who took my baby sisters innocence?!" He said, tears starting to stream down his face as he fell to his knees. "WHOOOOOOOO!"

"For the love of- I haven't had sex yet, you melodramatic teddy bear. I'm not really a sexual person anyways. I mean, if I really loved someone I'd do it for the intimacy, but things like that doesn't really get me going you know?" She said, shrugging.

" _TOO MUCH INFORMATION, MY EARSSSS!_ "

Oh for the love of...if she didn't care about this turd she'd smack him.

"There's nothing wrong about talking about these things, Maru!"

"Yes there is!"

"No, there isn't! Keep it up and I'll make a chair, tie you to it, and lecture so much about safe sex you never look at your preferred gender the same again, or genders if you're into that- your sister doesn't judge."

"I don't like anybody like that! I've got two hands, I don't need anyone else to get their gross downstairs germs on me, guh." He said, acting like he was going to hurl.

"Alright then. But if you ever change your mind, my lecture is still here."

"Can we stop talking about this?!"

"Make sure to let me give anyone you want to smooch a check up too, even if they'd been checked recently, diseases aren't spread exclusively by sex and sometimes people can miss things. Also, don't drink after other people, unless you know they've gotten checked and hasn't gotten mouth or other germs all up in their business."

"KIWA! PLEASE!"

"THIS IS IMPORTANT, I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY!"

Maru silently screamed, deep in his soul. May R.O.B save him.


	12. Trembling bonds

I just want to let everyone know in advance, that no, despite what it seems like, this is NOT the last time you'll hear about what she did to Butsuma, nor did Hashirama not notice the mood swings. Also, super sorry in advance for the second half, It just seemed like time to do that.

On other notes, chapters may become a bit strange, slowly updated, or short for a long while. I've been in and out of the hospital with liver problems (before anyone asks, I literally only drink one finger of spirits mixed in a giant ass cup once in a blue moon for celebrations like my birthday (which I'm obviously stopping), it's not because of alcohol.). I'm starting to take medicine to handle the issue as well as we can, but I'm just generally feeling shitty and super tired, so yeah. I just pumped out the last bit of this chapter so it would be done and I could take a rest without feeling guilty.

* * *

Maru and Kiwa were running, yet again.

Well, Kiwa was jogging, more like. It's not Maru's fault he's slow, he doesn't have reincarnation bullshit to help him out.

"Stranger-no! Kiwa! Get back here!" A familiar voice yells, although she hadn't really heard him this pissed off before.

"You go on ahead, Maru."

"Wha- no way!"

"I said _**GO!**_ "

"...Fine. But if you don't meet me in half a hour I'll come looking for you!" He said, taking off ahead as the girl spun around, stopping.

"So, fancy meeting you both here, Hashirama, Angry Albino Boy." Kiwa jokes, strained.

"Angry- no, you know what, we need to talk." Hashirama said, looking stormy.

"Oh? You're finally admitting that I have better hair than you?"

"NO! _Why_ did you try to _KILL MY FATHER?!_ " He snapped, Tobirama smoldering in the background.

"I promise that I had a good reason."

"What reason is good enough to try and kill your clan head?!" Tobirama snapped. "It sounds like you're simply a traitor to me! Probably siding with those Uchiha!"

"Okay, FIRST OFF fuckface, he hasn't been my 'clan head' EVER. A clan head is supposed to actually give a shit about EVERYONE under their care- if they don't, they're just a dictator. Second off, your 'father', you know, the one that has been getting CHILDREN KILLED, INCLUDING HIS OWN, because he couldn't let go of a DAMN GRUDGE just like you, sent a 4 year old out with a woman who hadn't seen battle in over a decade and had no upkeep on what skills she did have, and kept the woman's 8 YEAR OLD SON in the clan so that he could run missions, based off RUMORS instead of doing a basic FUCKING CHECK, or realizing, that even if they weren't related to them by blood, family isn't made only by blood, resulting in the woman getting killed and a 4 YEAR OLD, who if they weren't me probably wouldn't have survived, having to go alone for almost TWO DECADES! Fucking THIRD, I hate most Senju and Uchiha EQUALLY for not putting aside a stupid blood feud so they don't GET CHILDREN MURDERED. The only exceptions to said hate is Hashirama, Madara, and maybe, MAYBE you and Izuna if either of you ever pull your head out of your asses and get to realizing your hate is causing more problems and hurting more people than they're helping, WHICH IS NONE. IT IS HELPING NO ONE. So until you can ACTUALLY say, with complete honesty, that your judging each Senju and Uchiha by their actions EQUALLY, you can fuck off and go gobble some turds, since it seems to be the only way you're going to get anything to eat with your head that far up."

Tobirama looked flabbergasted at her, and Hashirama looked a little less angry, and a lot more confused.

"I...what? Just...what?" Hashirama said. "I never heard about father doing anything like that."

"Well, it was a little before you were born, I wouldn't be surprised. Suffice to say, thinking of your father tends to get me a little...upset. I should have handled it better, and I sincerely apologize for hurting you by hurting him, but I cannot say that I wouldn't do so again."

"Wait...have you known who I was the whole time? Ever since we first met?"

"Bud, I've known you since before I was born."

"What?!" Hashirama looked bewildered.

"It's a long story, _let's stop talking now, **okay?"**_ Oh shit, what did she just say? Gonna have to figure out a way to play that off (what if Maru stopped being her brother if he knew? _**He was her brother, dammit.**_

"...Alright. Just...I think you should probably stay away from people for a little bit. I've got something in mind for the future though, so I'll come find you soon. Are you...okay with that?" Hashirama asked, making a strange face and talking in a strange tone she didn't quite understand, and for some reason Tobirama didn't look quite as pissed after Hashirama said that. Oh well, all is forgiven, no matter.

"If it helps you out, sure." Kiwa said, shrugging. "I'll see you later!" She waved before darting off after Maru again. That was much easier than she thought it would be.

* * *

2 Years Later Age: 24

* * *

"I'm just saying, sister, that you're getting a little old for marriage and should hurry it up a little! I mean, who knows, maybe we can arrange something with a nice guy and they can help you with your self control a little." Maru said, throwing his hands up. He had been bringing up getting her married and 'passing on the blood' over and over the past year and half, like it would be the end of the world if she didn't.

"I don't want to get married, I don't want children, and I definitely don't want to get married to a guy I barely know **_SO HE CAN CONTROL ME!_** What the fuck, Maru?! You're talking like I'm some kind of purebred horse you want to stud out or some kind of fucking wild beast than a person! Plus, you know I've been working on my self control myself, I haven't even _maimed_ someone in a full _week._ "

"I'm just saying it because I care! I mean, you need someone who can take care of you other than me, you know?"

"Maru. 'Take care of me'? I've taken care of myself just _fine_ without you for what, 18 years? Plus, you should well know that their must be few people as strong as me by now since we've never met any that were even a _challenge_ outside of Butsuma, and he had backup. I don't, and haven't in a long time, needed someone to take care of me. Also, if you're just saying it 'because you care', you would have DROPPED IT after I asked the **_first_** hundred times instead of trying to pressure me into it. What is it you really want?"

"I don't want anything! I just want you to be happy!"

"I was happy until you started harassing me, Maru! No. You know what? If you're so obsessed about passing the blood on, YOU go get married." Kiwa said dismissively.

"We both know our blood isn't the same, Kiwa!"

"...I want you to think carefully on what you're about to say Maru." She said quietly.

"I mean...maybe Mom did...do things she shouldn't have. You can do a whole lot of things I can't naturally, you know."

"Maru."

"I mean, obviously we're still siblings, just...maybe not full siblings?"

"Leave." Kiwa snapped out.

"What?" Maru looked like she had slapped him.

"I **said _LEAVE! GET OUT!"_** Kiwa said, barely reining in the urge to throttle him.

"You know what? Fine! I'm gone! It's better than dealing with you being unreasonable all the time!" Maru snapped out in response. Kiwa simply stared.

"No. I'll leave. Keep the place, do whatever you want with it. I have my stuff, I can be gone faster." Kiwa said, feeling hurt, but surprisingly calm about it right now, simply walking out of the door of the little house she had built six months ago. Maru made no move to stop her. Maybe she was unreasonable. It didn't matter though. It was clear Maru had changed a lot more than she thought he did from when she first knew him. All she had done was drag him down. Oh well. He can take care of himself, she had made sure of that much the past two years.


	13. Halloween Special dungeon! (very short)

Sorry for giving you all such a short chapter even though you've waited so long! I've just been exhausted and sick, so writing has been taking longer than normal. I wrote this chapter real quick just so ya'll could have a short Halloween themed chapter while I work on chapter 12. Thank you for your patience!

* * *

Age: Unknown, Season: Fall

* * *

Kiwa was a little excited, a bit confused, and simultaneously going to pee herself at the moment. She had been wandering about cleaning up a area when she had a popup for a 'special limited edition, 1 floor dungeon' called 'The Realm of What The Fuck'.

That was seriously it's name.

It was sufficient to say that if Kiwa wasn't already planning to go in, her curiosity would have made her.

So she went in with only a little preparation, none of which was mental.

That was her first mistake.

Literally the moment she 'popped up' in the dungeon, she was face to face with what looked like a unholy, broken mix between an Angler fish and an Ogre spider.

Kiwa, in a moment of 'brilliance' (more like terror, seriously this thing was fucked up) threw a 'bomb-ball' directly into it's face. It was enough to kill it, obviously, but more and more freakish creatures started coming out the dark, almost cave-like area.

Most looked the the first critter, but some looked like a bunch of people got partially melted down and fused, which left them using they're arms and legs to drag themselves along while others flopped about, while others looked like more spiders with human, grinning heads with clouded eyes right above their 'real' heads (what was this place with the spider mixes, seriously. She'd be fine if they were normal spiders, but they got to throw these weird ass things at her.).

It lived up to it's name, she was definitely cursing up a storm, and wanted the fuck out of this bullshit monster mash (even if she was 99% sure she can kick their asses 7 ways to Sunday).

She turned around to leave, only to have a notification pop up.

* * *

No one is allowed to leave special limited edition dungeons until they make an attempt to beat the Boss.

* * *

Seriously. She just wanted to nope the fuck out.

She sighed, and tried to calm down.

It's okay, she told herself. We'll just blow them up and - OH MY GOD IT TOUCHED ME OH GOD IT'S SLIMY OH GOD KILL IT!

* * *

Many screams, explosions, and tears later.

* * *

" ** _FUCK_** this place! I am killing whatever the fuck this boss is and getting the fuck out." She shouted to herself, probably seeming a little more crazy, if anyone was actually there to see her that wouldn't be promptly blown the fuck up.

These things straight up didn't show up on her chakra sense, and blended in with the smell and background sounds of the area. They were fucking good at jump scares, to be clear.

She carefully opened the door and stepped out onto a ledge. She didn't see anything around or above, so she looked down, seeing a giant, pissed off Wasp crawling out of a hole directly under the ledge and looking her right in the eye, mandibles snapping- _ **WAS THAT A FACE INSIDE OF IT'S MOUTH?!**_

She responded to that surprise by stepping back and closing the door. Angry buzzing sounded off on the other side.

Seriously.

What the fuck.

What is wrong with this place.

Were Wasps not scary enough? Who would put a fucking human face INSIDE OF IT'S MOUTH. _**WHY?!**_ Was the inherent rage of the wasp not enough?!

Just- fuck it. This asshole is going down, if only so the world didn't have to deal with this shit. The place was fucked up enough, she didn't need to deal with this shit.

She opened the door and backhanded the Wasp Boss. " ** _FUCK YOU._** " It didn't do much, but that wasn't the point.

* * *

More tears, explosions, and cursing later.

* * *

"Am I free? Please tell me it's over." Kiwa pleaded to whatever would be willing to listen. She was done. Just...done.

Everything went white, and she met the 'Sage of Six Paths' again (still doubtful if it was a fake or not).

" _Why?!_ " She hissed out.

"Because it's Halloween!" He/It said cheerfully.

" _ **THIS PLACE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE HALLOWEEN YET!**_ "

"Yeah, but you're kind of an ass, so I decided to do it anyways instead of waiting until they started doing it."

"Fuck this, I'm leaving." She snapped.

"Wait! Don't you want your prize?"

"Just give me the damn prize and let me leave."

"For your prize you get -drum roll please- to talk to spiders, angler fish, and wasps! Hurrah!" It said cheerfully.

"Fine, whatever, fuck off." She said. At least now she can try to talk wasps out of being assholes. If wasps could not be assholes.

She popped back outside the dungeon. At least now she knows to look more carefully at the names of the places.


	14. Plumbing and Bug Boners

I'm super sorry for taking so long to get this chapter out! I've just been exhausted and a bit depressed for the last couple months from health reasons (still am, just don't want to disappoint anyone more than I already have), not that it's a excuse to keep you all waiting for so long or for such a cruddy chapter. I might try to speed things up so I can get to the ending soon, hopefully at least some of ya'll are still willing to keep reading. Kiwa finally meets her match in weirding people out in this chapter, from a (probably) unexpected source, so try to enjoy that.

* * *

Time: Uncertain. The seasons have changed a few times, but stopped keeping track.

* * *

Kiwa was sitting on a flat boulder she polished up into a pretty spiffy bench, eating her lunch, when she heard the sound of footsteps. A _lot_ of footsteps. She decided to ignore them. She had almost doubled some of her stats since she left Maru 'alone' (obviously she sent birds to check on him discreetly every now and then. He seemed happy most of the time.), so she couldn't really see anyone managing to catch her if she bolted for it.

She obviously hoped they wouldn't trash the preliminary shelters she had made for Hashirama and Madara (not that either of them asked her to do it- she just didn't have anything else to do and figured both of them would think they could just do it on the fly once they allied).

She'd rebuild if she had to.

"...Kiwa?" A surprised, familiar voice said once the tamping of feet came near her.

"You kept me waiting, Hashirama. How's Madara and your resident grump doing?" Kiwa asked, not looking up from her rice as she finished chowing down, chucking the wooden bowl to the side. Hey, it was biodegradable, and that was gonna be a garden (or maybe a farm, she hadn't decided) someday.

"Big brother and Tobirama are fine. What are you doing here? ...Were these houses always here?" She heard Izuna say, mumbling the last part to Hashirama.

Wait.

She whipped her head around to looking at the quartet.

 _ **Izuna?**_

She'd already given up (more like forgot that his ass needed saving) on his survival, but here he was, looking healthy and well.

"You're supposed to be dead. Nice to see you still kicking it." She said, standing up and stretching.

"What?" Madara mumbled.

"I figured you dolts would just come marching in once you got off your asses and made peace, so figured I'd build a place for people to live in mild comfort while I found someone who knows plumbing to help me build the real houses."

"You...but why? You aren't part of any clan nor do you have a vested interest in this. Hell, how the hell did you know we'd even agree make a village here?" Izuna asked, bewildered.

Madara patted his shoulder. "You'll stop trying to make sense of how she knows or does things eventually, Izuna." He said with a flat stare in her direction.

"Anyways, does anyone know plumbing or do I gotta go out and find somebody? Because that doesn't seem like something you can just figure out yourself unless you want things to go badly."

"No?"

"Well then, bye-bye! I'll be back to make toilets and baths, stuff like that." She said, before bolting off into the woods.

"Who-what...why?" Someone in the crowd she left muttered, most of them a bit baffled.

* * *

Time: Like, 2/3 months maybe? Kiwa lost track of time, okay.

* * *

"-and that's how I'll be setting up the plumbing! Any questions?"

"Yes, how the hell did you get in here?!" One of the men that were working on improving the houses she set up before they arrived said. Turned out she actually built a few too many for the people who actually showed up, and they just started building off it while she 'figured out' (grinded) plumbing.

"I climbed over the wall, you all saw me."

"But there are patrols going on, how'd you not get directed to the gate?!"

"Wait, those are your guys?"

"Wait- did you attack the guards?!"

"No, I just slipped past them, I'm not some kind of savage. Wasn't that hard, I'm pretty fast. Figured you all wanted them hanging around for some reason."

"...You know what, you just do what you want."

"Great! I was planning to do so anyways."

"Fucking crazy loners." one mumbled.

"I heard that!"

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO!"

"Fair enough."

* * *

More time later.

* * *

"So you just...ripped the bandits in half?" Madara asked.

"Yeah, it was a bitch to clean off the site."

"How do you keep slipping past the guards to get in and out of the village without anyone knowing anyways?" Hashirama asked, seeming a little worried.

"Well, usually I just bolt for it. I've got some decent speed even without chakra enhancement. This time they were a bit distracted by the whole 'bandits trying to kill everyone they can' thing, so I just went in through the hole they made. I plugged it up for now. You're welcome."

"You plugged it up with the bodies of the bandits! Seriously. What the hell makes you think that is at all okay?" A grumpy old man Kiwa didn't bother learning the name of grumbled.

"It seemed like a solid plan at the time!"

"It is **NEVER** a good idea to use whole bodies in construction!" He snarled out. "Bones at least are sturdy and rot less!"

"Oh come on! It's just a temp fix! I could have already moved them and rebuilt the wall if you'd just stop hassling me!"

"Enough! Just...just go fix the wall and get rid of the bandit's bodies, please." Hashirama said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Roger roger! One clean up coming right up!" She said, bolting out a window.

Kiwa showed up at the patch job within minutes, and looked at the ninja either moving debris or gawking at the ten foot tall stack of bodies and mud.

"Hello, ma'am." A voice came from the side, causing Kiwa to look at the person. They looked like a Aburame, so she'd just assume.

"Yes, do you need something?"

"I would just like to thank you for preventing the bandits from making their way in any farther." He said, bowing. Kiwa noticed something a bit...out of place when he straightened up.

"...Are you popping a boner right now?" She asked, bewildered.

"Yes." He said, firmly and without shame.

"...Should I hazard asking why?"

"I...appreciate strong people. Very much so." He said.

"Okay, that's fine and all, but can you at least try and cover it a bit? It's super awkward talking to someone while their pants keep jerking every couple of seconds."

"No."

"What, why!?"

"I like having people look." He said. Holy shit, she did not expect anything like this from a Aburame. Weren't they supposed to be cool headed?! Although he did still have a poker face on.

"You know what I'm just going to go..."

"Very well, farewell." He said, bowing again as Kiwa got to work.

* * *

A couple of weeks more.

* * *

"Can you just, I dunno, talk to him about it?"

"Why? My clan member isn't harming anyone by helping out at the work site."

"He's harming my ability to work when he keeps popping a boner every time I talk to him or when he sees me doing heavy lifting, okay?!"

"I'll ask him to cover it up somehow."

"Okay, but I'll still know that it's happening and it bothers me! Like, how am I supposed to talk to someone who has no shame throwing out strange compliments or outright trying to convince me to visit his house?!"

"Is it him finding you attractive that bothers you, or is it because of his clan?" The dude asked.

"It's the attractive part. Like, seriously, I regularly get confused for a man, and this dude just comes out of nowhere and sees me ripping people in half and is just like, 'you know what, I'm going to try and seduce that person, _because_ they can break me easily. Sign me the fuck up.'. What part of that seems normal to you?!"

"It's perfectly normal to appreciate things like that. I'm sure if half the people in my clan saw you do that they'd be hitting on you too. It's good for keeping the clan safe to have strong people in it. I, personally, hope he does succeed in seducing you, however awful he is at it, so that the clan can have another strong member join us."

"Fuck, fine, I'm leaving."

"Farewell."

"Fucking weird ass bug users." She grumbled.

"It's not that weird."

"Fuck off and let me complain!"


	15. Eyes and poor attempts at Sand Memes

This is a rather short chapter, but I'm just cutting down on length to get the stuff out in a time frame that's measured in a 'few' months rather than, like, half a year the rate I write at is leading me to right now. Still clawing my ass out of just generally being down on life in general, so sorry if it's crap.

In other news, I want ya'll to vote for something I can't make a decision on. Just pick between Goose, Cookoo, Meerkat, or Llama (and let me know which one you picked, obviously).

* * *

More time later.

* * *

"Wait a second. Just...clear up this thought process for me... _why_ do you need to just take his eyes? What about your eyes? Seriously, what, exactly, is preventing you from just swapping? Mind you, I don't mind covering for you so nobody knows you're doing this." Kiwa asked, fondly frustrated by his thought process. When she got invited over for dinner, this was not what she was expecting.

"The only person who knows how to implant Sharingan correctly, so it isn't always active, only has enough chakra to do one, and is too old to regenerate his chakra enough to do it a second time before my eyes go bad." Madara said firmly, Izuna nodding his head in confirmation behind him.

"...You are aware that I'm a solid enough medic to regrow entire limbs if I get to them before they've healed over, and that I have enough chakra even without regeneration to do that pretty much whenever I want by now, right? He could just teach me how to do it and I can swap them in one go."

"You can?!"

"I thought I mentioned that when Hashi was getting people to volunteer for the medics if they knew how to heal even halfway decently. Why do you think I keep showing up at the homes of people who got hurt on missions, are giving birth, or got sick?" she asked, befuddled.

"I knew you could heal just...not to that degree of skill." Madara asked, flushing slightly. "...Who did you learn healing from?"

"Well, now you know to pay attention when people talk then. So, when do I get to meet this dude?" Kiwa said, bluntly avoiding the question.

* * *

One night later.

* * *

"I can't trust a woman to have the skill necessary to do this." The old man said.

"Well I can't trust a old dude to have steady hands and not accidentally squish the eyes." she snorted back, irritated.

"How dare-!"

"No, how dare **_you_** risk blinding Madara's brother because you can't get over your fucking pride over having a _**fucking dick**_ _ **!**_ Seriously! **_What the fuck is wrong with you?!_** " Kiwa snarled out in response.

" _I_ don't have to take this from a chit who knows less to nothing about the Sharingan!"

"Well, **_I_** don't want to have a dick measuring contest with a elderly man who can't accept teaching someone a skill just because they have a fucking vagina! I would have to give you the world's biggest and saddest handicap!"

"Kiwa, Ito, you both promised to _try_ and be polite to each other." Madara sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"That was before I knew they were a woman!"

"In my case, I was going to before he turned out to be a shit waffle." Kiwa deadpanned at him. "It seems the elderly are too set in their ways to be of _use_ anymore." She sniffed.

"I'm useful!"

"Oh yes, blinding someone instead of getting over yourself, _so **useful**_ of you, Ito."

"I'm just going to...leave you all to settle this...try not to kill anyone, bye!" Izuna said, getting out of dodge and booking it. He didn't sign up for this.

* * *

Two Days Later

* * *

"So, what is your dream?" Hashirama asked her, having just finished some sort of speech to her about, guess what, dreams.

"Well, there was the time I wanted to be a farmer."

"That's great! You should totally do it!" He said, practically blinding her with his grin.

"See, I would, but then I wouldn't have a reason to get my anger issues out without going to prison. Plus I like being able to go where I want."

"Why don't you just...I dunno...get a non-violent hobby or something?"

"Because I'm an asshole and too complacent to change, Hashirama."

"What?" He said, tilting his head to the side.

"Oh, would you look at the time. Gotta blast!"

* * *

A Few Weeks Later

* * *

"Thanks, Kiwa."

"No problem, Madara. Enjoy sight."

"Has anyone informed you that you're a very strange person?"

"Yeah. It still hurts a little, but I just decided that if it hasn't killed me it can't be that bad."

* * *

More Time Later

* * *

"So, why exactly do you need me to come with you to the desert for 'diplomatic relations'? If you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly the nicest person."

"Because I'm pretty sure if someone manages to get the drop on me or Hashirama, you'd follow us straight into hell to get us back if you had to. You don't seem to really like it when people mess with stuff you've invested time in."

"Fair enough."

* * *

So many timeskips

* * *

"See! Even Tobirama quivers before the Guardian Of Sand!" A man yelled, as a another tried to bury him in sand.

"Fuck off!" The 'sand guardian' yelled at Tobirama, merely getting a Water Dragon to the face for his troubles.

"Huh. That seems familiar somehow, but I just can't put my finger on it."


End file.
